I am a cancer survivor
I have 1 eternal companion
1 daughter
3 sons.
my fair share of challenges
I am human

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Looking back

I have had an eventful year this year.
I have made friends lost friends. Saw my children grow for the good or the bad. Asked my husband for a separation things got so bad for us we were not talking when we were we were at each others throats . Lost a grandma to Alzheimer. Got in a car accident. But in all this I have discovered who I am and who I am supposed to be.
I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father. No matter what kind of day I am having he is right there beside me. I am also a wife and mother and found out that I was real nasty to my husband but he still loves me. No matter how many groundings and spankings I give my children they still love me.
I learned that I am loved very much by those who know me.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I am back

I came home about 530pm today and I am exhausted and sore. Friday I fell down my in laws basement steps and hurt my back and my ribs thankfully nothing is broken just bruised from head to toe. I had a great Christmas I got some new pots and pans so now i can do more gourmet cooking and I got a new winter coat plus 2 boxes of cereal ( i got a couple gifts wrapped in the empty boxes . kids made off like bandits they could open a toy store with all they got lets say my father in law was nice enough to take a load back to our house Friday for me and i still had a van load to day to take home on top of our luggage .
Plus my baby is now 3 and off to sunbeams he goes

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


To all my friends who have helped me throughout this year. You mean alot to me .
Thanks for the prayers the friendships and words of wisdom you leave me. I hope 2009 will be slightly better for me and for all of you . May you met the goals you set out to accomplish next year mine is to finish my book I'm writing when done I will let all of you read it.

Monday, December 22, 2008

What a gift I am getting

My sis in law is taking the kids for a couple days yes all 3 of them starting tomorrow after school
she is taking them to see the Tales of Despereaux and then back to her house to stay the night I will see them Christmas Eve when I get to Port Huron for a long vacation I will be back the 29th
I hope the weather will not be that bad for me to travel on Wednesday
I wish all my friends a very Merry Christmas and a Happy new Year

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Aches and pains

i hurt from shoveling the snow yesterday and this morning I also got my finger smashed this morning helping Scott set up bunk beds for the boys and we were setting up the top bunk and we thought we had the one side tight enough he let go and the side rail fell down and landed on my hand but my finger got the worst of it. Then we walked to a couple stores i love living close to the bread store it was fun having to lift the stroller over the snow banks. that is it for today
just take rest of the afternoon and rest

Friday, December 19, 2008


It is 730 in the morning and it is blowing snow out there and still falling so they closed the school. We will see how the day goes
Scott didn't get a snow day he had to venture out to the bus stop and then walk to work after the bus drops him off I hope he stays safe
I am not going anywhere today so have to call the Health Department to reschedule mt appointment
I might make cookies with my kids today if they behave enough for me to get house work done

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

my day

It started out with me getting up and shoveling snow i wish scott would he gets up early enough to do it
drop the kids off at school slip and the stroller went down with and nicholas ended up head first on the sidewalk he is fine just a bad headache
came home did some dreaded housework
played with nicholas until had to get the kids from school
went to wait inside the school only to find out NOAH HAS BEEN SUSPENDED. Had a talk with his teacher and found out he stuck his tongue out at her when she told him to do something spit in a kids face at lunch time wouldn't listen . I asked him why and he said cause I wanted to . So I took a favorite toy of his told him to come here put the toy on the floor then took a monkey wrench and started to bet the toy and I said cause I wanted to . I did this to show him a lesson the I want to have consequences then I took apart his bed I am making him earn it back . He has also lost Santa and his gifts I don't care if that is to harsh it seems like every time I try to discipline him he laughs at me and thinks its funny
Many of you out there have said take him to a doctor to see what is going on,
I blame myself and the fact that I had my first 2 so soon after chemo . I was told to wait at least 3 years to try due to the side effects it would cause my kids and hyper activity is one of them I am so sick of this the stress is causing me a lot of problems I can't eat sleep or relax
I just wish for a moments peace

Monday, December 15, 2008

Mom's mini vacation

I spent the weekend with my mom and my daughter it was fun we went Christmas shopping and went to lunch together and had fun i also showed rainey how to needlepoint and how to use fabric paints . I had a stress free fun weekend and the reunion with Nicholas was fun he gave me a great big hug and help me tight and Noah listened to dad and got some much needed one on one time with him .

Friday, December 12, 2008

Memories of a little girl

My daughter had been asking for a baby sister for a long time which is hard on me because i can't give her one or be sure she got one she has been asking for one for christmas she even told santa this. Well Grandma Grattan is pulling through on this little girls request . She has a doll that looks life like and see didn't want to give it to her naked so i said how about baby clothes. I told her I have boxes of baby girl clothes. I went in the cold dark attic yes me I am claustrophobic . I found the box i was looking for. I had so much fun remembering the little girl that put in my arms almost 7 years ago and then them taking her away quickly and then not hearing anything for about an hour on what was wrong I remember the nurse telling me he had to be put in the neonatel ICU then the nurse taking me to see her with the tubes and wires and the oxygen tent she had to be in It was a sad time . She was a sick little girl at birth but she pulled through and then I remember the outfits and the one dress she will be using is one I put on her with a cute hat and calling her the muffin girl the hat was to big so the photoghrapher moved it up a little and she looked like she had on a muffin top for a head .

Thursday, December 11, 2008

A few moments to be me

It is a little before 6 am couldn't sleep any longer when i am so stressed out i can't sleep my body aches all over. Yesterday was such a bad day I got a bad report from Noah's teacher. He flipped off the lunch lady . Where he learned that I don't know . I asked him why he did that he said another boy in class told hm to. I believe that one. I am at my wits end with this child right now . He has done nothing but cause trouble since Friday for the Teacher and at church. I am scared of what he will become. I tried talking to him telling him that is not funny and he did something he was not supposed to do and I lost my temper with him I feel so bad I left a hand print on his face . as i sat at Nancy's house reading a back issue of her Ensign I got a feeling to read the story of Lammen and Lemul and they tell it to him in words he would understand also the story of Alma the younger maybe that would help him . I don't know what else to do . Please pray for our family . I could use all the help I can get right now they are a few short steps of kicking him out of school

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Noah and school

It isn't going well he got in trouble last week for peeing on the bathroom floor and he did it monday he thinks that it is funny . the janitor told him next time he was going to make him wwear diapers to school I am almost ready to do that he thinks getting in trouble is funny he said he dosn't want to go back I don't know what has happened to my sweet little guy he used to be so good then the last couple of years have been nothing but trouble no wonder i am sick all the time i have had it with my kids behaviors they are nothing but stress for me right now

Nicholas is being tempermental

I don't know what is gotten into him He is fine one minute the next he is madder than a bull. He got made because he couldn't get out of the car the way he wanted . He wanted an orange so i cut it like i normally do well that wasn't what he wanted me to do he trow the orange and then bite me then started to pound me with his fist so i put him on the floor next thing i know i have a toy flying at me. He screamed at me for 2 hours yesterday because not all his cars would fit in his case hard to fit 30 cars in a case that would hold 2 . Now he is in his room crying for his blanket i wish i know what has gotten into him the last few days

Monday, December 8, 2008

Christmas devontional

I watched it with my family on the computer the feed we got on byu tv was in spanish don't know why luckily we have high speed so we were able to see it. It has left me with a source of peace i have real never felt this way it is an amazing feeling
the words spoken were so special I liked the way they talked about their family tradtions and i decided to start one of my onw i will carol at my kids doors every night before they fall asleep

Sunday, December 7, 2008

A sad story but has a happy ending

My mom told this story it is true it involes my Sis in law and Nephew who is 4and a half
They were at the library and my nephew was given a book to read my sis in law got so into a book she forgot about him thank goodness for a kind angel . My nephew made it outside no coat on no idea where he was and he was crying the angel found him and took him inside dried his tears and helped him find his mom. thank goodness no one else found him and took him . we never got this angels name she was gone before she could be thanked
I draw a few conclusions from this story
1 when we wander off the path we get lost
2 when we are lost bad stuff can happen
3 there is one who can really help us find our way back
I am so glad I pray for my family and I am so glad an angel was looking over my nephew that day he is the light of my brother's eye .

Friday, December 5, 2008

A tear jerking christmas song

I heard this on the radio today it is called A baby changes everything. It is by Faith Hill
It talks about Mary's point of view when she was with child . The song is so true babies change everything . Look it up I guarantee you will cry

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


is such a thoughtful yet sensitive girl. They have a secret shop set up at her school she was given back to much change and she told the lady but the lady didn't listen so after school we told the PTO mom what happened she was surprised that we would give the extra money back I said I am teaching my kids honesty .
She bought 2 necklaces and said they were both for me well after a while she asked if she could have one. She said I bought one for me but I thought you would get mad. I told she could have it then. Well I get out of the shower and she gave it back to me with a note that said
I am sorrey mom for tacking back the nekless can you forgiv me ( that is how she wrote it)
So today I went to the secret shop and got her one for her stocking
She can be real sassy and mean one minute then real sweet and innocent the next I am waiting to see what the teen years bring

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Chores Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't like doing housework very much I did when it was Scott and I 2 loads of Laundry I'm Done .
Now I don't seem to see the bottom of the pile . I also hate the sock monster I spent a better part of a half hour trying to match socks in the sock basket I still haven't found the bottom of that one. I clean the living room Nicholas decided to pour himself cereal well it spilled all out of the bowl and he decided to step in the mess crushing every bit of cocoa puff into the carpet. Bathroom in another stories 3 boys in the house daughter who thinks the all ready foam soap is her personal counter decorator she hates the color of the walls and counters so she tries to redecorate it I hate the bathroom also but we have to do repairs a little at a time this tax money goes to new vehicle fund and my small kitchen no counter space and no cupboards i can reach got to draw plans for my dad to look over
I love doing the dishes though don't know why i think standing there washing dishes and thinking to my self without interruptions i do them when Nicholas is sleeping and kids are at school

Monday, December 1, 2008

December 1 alraedy

seems like yesterday it was Christmas now it will be in a couple short weeks. Time sure does fly
I remember the first Christmas Scott and I were married we were married for 7 months had a small apartment so we had a table top tree and a few decorations I made out of construction paper I was 6 months along and big I had to turn sideways to fight in the kitchen . I got a sweater I still wear it He got a computer game we still play it. The next one I was expecting again ( age difference between Rainey and Noah 11 and 1/2 months) spent it with inlaws few days later went home to bury his grandpa kidney failure. The next one he was unemployed company merger we got a knock on the door there were boxes galore food and clothes coats and toys for the kids. went to inlaws got in a huge fight with father in law he told me gettitng off my birth conrol was like taking a gun to my head and pulling the trigger I got off because of the side effects and doctor wanting me off because of them. Plus Noah got a double ear infection. The next one don't remeber much I think it was a fun one we moved a few days after christmas. Next one I spent in the Hospital having Nicholas he was born the 26 th . Then I moved to Eastpointe before the next christmas I spent unpacking and hosting a huge Holiday open house for Family I always did apartment Living but we decided to buy a house so i had to set it up . Nicholas turned one the next day Noah got so sick he had to go to the er he was dehydrated real bad Flu was nasty for him. Last year was fun my living room was overrun with gifts from santa grandparents aunts uncles mom dad and an anyomus donor last year scotts work adopted our family for christmas and someone did a knock and run I did that with one family a week before I had Nicholas family was out of work she was expecting also so I took some extra money we had and my family gave donations so I could give their kids christmas . I hope this year I can have good memories with my children. I never really liked the holidays very much so I always have dreded christmas . My daughter has been praying for me she is 6 and full of faith she is also praying for a baby sister . I joined the choir and I am really listening to the words of the songs watching christmas movies and I think tonight I will retell the christmas story and put up the nativity that is what my mom would do she would read it and we would add the chacaters as they were read off i wish I had a neat one like my mom's it was hand crafted by my grandma Grattan when I was little she has since passed I would love one like hers.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday

I am so glad that is a day I get to sleep in the only deal i was missing was getting a new vacuum for 28 dollars at walmart it is the bagless kind oh well . I will make do with the one I have that likes to give me problems .
Thankgiving was fun since grandma couldn't come we went to the video store and rented a movie and a wii game ( I love tax time we get one big purchase and that was ours rest of the money goes to pay a big chunk og our debt ) Rainey and Noah helped me make pies we did pumpkin kids tried it they said yuck. Oh well I have a whole pie to my self . Dinner was good I have about 12 lbs turkey to eat how fun

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


Is going to be not so fun this year for my kids they were looking forward to Grandma coming . Well she is not tomorrow . Scott woke up Monday felling real sick Stayed home from work the last 2 days . I think it might of been food poisoning he was the only one to get violently ill everybody else is fine but why chance it. I still will make the big meal for them and let them help me make a apple pie since I am the only one to eat pumpkin maybe i might go to the church one after all

Monday, November 24, 2008

This is Beautiful you will need a klenex

This is beautiful!

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?'
The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'
Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'
The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'
Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.
The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.
It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

'Dear Mom,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.
Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal p en to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the sam e place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.
Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you.. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?
Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

( Let's see Satan stop this one.) Take 60 seconds and repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves 'When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.'

Sunday, November 23, 2008

update on mel

People keep asking me how I am doing well here it is
I am felling better then I have I n a long time . I started reading the scriptures They are really speaking to me this time . I am spending more time with my kids Last Saturday Rainey and I went to see Wall-e at the cheap theater it is a cute movie but more for kids 9 and older if you want them to understand the message kids younger then that will get a kick out of the animation and movements of wall-e .
My back is on the mend well turns out it is really my hip that is bugging me don't know what I did but it is mending walking isn't that painful i bought ortho inserts for my shoes to help it out and it is working
Since I have been taking the marriage classes I have learned how to communicate my feeling better and Learned some ways to control my anger and deal with the stress of every day life. Got rid of one stress maker alreadsy spent 2 hours cleaning out my daughters room got rid of clothes that don't fit her broken toys all her old school papers . Now I am working on they boys room and they will be getting bunk beds.
I also joined church choir I admit I don't have a really good voice but I do when I put my heart into it and can pratice at home my kids like when I sing so does my husband It means I am happy.
I also am getting more involved in my piano by helping rainey learn her lessons when she dosen't understand them. Plus my Uncle gave me a big box of music to learn how to play.
That is how I am doing

Friday, November 21, 2008

my good deed for the day

I was dropping my kids off at school for breakfast and there was one girl who was asked if she was coming in she said no my mom doesn't have the .30 for me today so I looked in my wallet and said here is a dollar put it in your account and have a good breakfast I couldn't see her starve until lunch .

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Nicholas is to cute

he found a purse of his sister's it is a cat and he put all his play cars in it he won't go anywhere without it . if you touch it he yells Leave my purse lone mine. he is also getting the terrible 2's late he will be 3 in a month and a few days (dec 26) but I still love him
today on the way home he was singing mary had a little lamb to me

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


I got news today that a friend of mine Named Kim is moving I will really miss this friend we haven't been friends for long but we have become the best of friends good luck in all your adventures

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

OH Christmas Tree

You look so bare and spare I named you the Charlie Brown Tree .
I have my tree up call me crazy . I normally wait until the day after thanksgiving but It was in the attic a place I don't venture I hate small places. Plus here is the thing I have never enjoyed Christmas. I never got what I wanted I always ended up with books or stuff I really couldn't play with one time I wanted a walk man to listen to my music but my sister got it instead of me . She always got what she wanted no matter what.
So I have decided to make it special for my kids they got everything on their list and a few surprises. Thanks grandma and freecycle and great clearance sales.
I let them put up the tree and decorate it how they want . The moment Nicholas gets up he has to turn on the lights I am not allowed to turn them off until he is in bed. Since we moved here I started a cool tradition each year I take them to English gardens and let them pick out one special decoration for the tree or house so that way when they leave home they have a few things for their tree or house. I also give my nephews one. The first year it was my nephew William my sister's oldest he got a Hippopotamus for the tree since his favorite song is I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. Last year my sister's middle one got a stuffed Polar Bear for the Tree he likes bears this year I am doing it for my brother's child he likes Thomas the Train so i will see if I can't Find a train one
So all of you out there have fun putting up your tree and doing your family's traditions

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Rain is falling all around

on the roof tops on the ground and in my basement it is a watery mess down there I can't keep up I wish we had the funds to fix it let alone have someone come out and quote us
other than that i want and saw Wall-e with Rainey today it is a cute movie

Thursday, November 13, 2008

kids are playing hookie

Scott was taking Noah to karate and the driver's door came open . The latch broke so van is not safe to drive . So I called the kids school and excused them . It has been an adventure . I cleaned Rainey's room went through her clothes have a bag to give away . It looks a lot better now and she is throwing her temper because I won't let her use my markers to color with last time they used them someone decided to color the table and walls and they won't fess up to who did it

Noah is good with his computer game he has been playing
Nicholas took a extra long nap I wish I was able too.
Hope the van repairs don't cost alot or take to long 1 Vechilcle and no money to get a new one. We are paying for the repairs with the check I got from the lady who hit me .

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Don't Stop Believin'

We decided to try this based on Michelle Bjorklund's blog... we did this together.

I. Put your iTunes/Ruckus/Napster/etc on shuffle.
II. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
IV. Tag 11 friends who might enjoy doing this.
I tag anyone who wants to be creative silly or for fun.

Danny Elfman - "Carnival From Hell" (Beetlejuice Soundtrack)

Savage Garden - "Truly Madly Deeply"

They Might Be Giants - "Dead" (Flood)

The Greg Kihn Band - "Jeopardy"

The Beatles - "Nobody's Child"

Anime Soundtrack - "Akane no Komoriuta" (Akane's Lullaby)

Gloria Gaynor - "I Will Survive"

Yasunori Mitsuda - "The Trial" (Soundtrack to "Chrono Trigger")

10. WHAT IS 2+2?
REM - "Sweetness Follows"

Bob Marley - "Jamming"

SheDaisy - "In Terms of Love"

Aerosmith - "F.I.N.E."

James Blunt - "So Long Jimmy"

Yanni - "Chasing Shadows"

James Taylor - "Country Road"

Ray Stevens - "Freddie Feelgood and His Five-Piece Band"

John Denver - "Thank God I'm a Country Boy"

Veggie Tales - "More Vegetables Talking"

Whose Line Is It Anyway? - "German Millionaire Show"
("Vat is 2 plas 2? -- a: 7 b: SHUT UP PIG c: I would like to invade Poland. d: FOURRR!")

Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack - "Time Warp"

West Side Story Soundtrack - "America"

Yasunori Mitsuda - "Robo Gang Johnny"

Travelling Wilburys - "Rattled"

Toshio Sakurai - "Cosmic Cowgirl"

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Soundtrack - "Where Is My Werewolf?"

Journey - "Don't Stop Believin'"

Scripture study

I have started a scripture study class with a few sister in our ward at my house one showed up today with her husband it was very spiritual for us we really got a chance to read and help each other understand what we were reading . We are starting on the Book of Mormon and we read 1-4 chapters of Nephi. I learned so much in those first few chapters . I used to pick then up glance over them and say okay i am done today but today I really concentrated on what they had to say my eyes were fully open to the words today.
For those who want to come it is every Wednesday from 10am -11 am . Just bring your scriptures and we take turns providing snacks . Child care is provided in my living room I put on a Tv show for Nicholas and he was content watching it

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Congrats Noah

He had a karate test yesterday and passed he is now a yellow belt . It is helping him so much to learn self discipline I am so proud of him
Now the next stage we have to work with and him is lying

Monday, November 10, 2008


It was snowing this morning when we got up to get ready for the day. I had to pry kids away from the window to get them moving for the day . They had half an hour to get ready for school good thing I let them eat at school I was cute seeing them in their heavy winter coats and hats mitten scarfs. They wanted to wear their boots from last year but they are to small . I am getting them new ones this week I told them Thursday after school. Rainey goes but that day is Thanksgiving. I said no its not. She goes but Thanksgiving is on a Thursday. I said 2 Thursday from now . I love the first snow fall of the year everything looks white a clean. Then it turns to mush. I still have flowers that bloomed last week due to the nice sunny days we had.
I have winter roses . I can't wait to see those bloom

Sunday, November 9, 2008


today in Relief Society we learned about the Second coming of Christ . I was pondering what can I do to fully prepare myself. I got thinking more it is impossible to fully prepare. We don't know the exact date and time. We have to take it one day at a time . We must strive our best to do what is right . By doing this we should not fear when the times comes when he rules among the sons of men.

Friday, November 7, 2008

fun quiz

I'm a Esme! I found out through TwilightersAnonymous.com. Which Twilight Female Are You? Take the quiz and find out!
Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!

Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!

It doesn't surprise me she was family oriented and so am I . I want to see the movie real bad but I will have to wait no money to see it

Thursday, November 6, 2008


is such a great husband and father . Since I have been sick he has stepped up and has been playing mother and father he has done his own laundry helped cook diner clean up the house bath the kids
I am glad i have him

potty training

nicholas has been fun we were almost done in august but for some reason he started to backslide and got scared of using it so i am starting all over again and so far only 1 accident he is wearing big boy undies i don't do the pull up thing i don't mind doing wash. I even made a chart for him and every time he goes he gets to chose the sticker to put on the day of the week
so here is hoping by thanksgiving he will be trained all the way

celebritiy mom ( i am Kelly Ripa)

You're a force to be reckoned with, an oversold one-woman show performing round-the-clock appearances for foot-stomping crowds everywhere. Tirelessly good-humored, you manage to make it all look not only easy, but also fun. With more side jobs than you have kids, you also manage a long-term, rock-solid marriage and a high profile business partnership. Your secret is always remembering to laugh -- inspiring us, even at our most exasperated, to throw back our heads and join you.

Some of this is true. Maybe I should be more relaxed and be a Rocker mom
thanks hillary for the quiz

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I voted

I had a hard time with politics this year I was divided between family members my Husband stood on one side my Father on the other . I asked my dad how he would vote in my situation he said vote for the person you believe will really make a change I hope I made the right vote I hope and pray we all did. Now I really see how this process affects us all. I had friends say they wouldn't visit me because Scott put political stickers on the car I saw my father and Scott fight over petty political stuff . I am just glad this process is over and we have 4 years to live with the decision we made. I think we all need to step up and make these changes happen . I have seen Scott write letters to our Reps when a certain bill was going to be passed and got a response back. I didn't know that the reps use the letters from everyday Joes to make the case in why it shouldn't or should be passed. I have helped on making the Insurance companies pay when it comes to cancer treatment just by telling them my experiance with my company . So we as a whole have to help our president make a change in our country no more sitting on the back burner and leaving it to our reps to do we need to do our part.
Yes God really bless america we are going to need it .

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Noah's Progress

Since he got the new teacher he is doing good . Coming home with ok days and good days . We have put him in karate and we notice a difference in his attitude he is learning how to respect himself teachers and parents . The next hurdle we have is homework it is like pulling teeth he has a week to do it and he fusses and cries even when we give him choices in a reward if he gets it done .

Monday, November 3, 2008

Fun vacation

I left Thursday after kids got out of school and went to visit grandma's and grandpa's it was fun.
Kids went trick of treating at Grandma Jamison's work they got alot of goodies. Books toys candy crackers pretzel popcorn. The Aunt Jill took them out for an hour they have enough to last a year if they had 1 piece a day. Spent Friday in Greektown with mom in law she took the day off also with Jill and Rainey. Lunch was good rode the people mover. Saturday tried to spend it with my mom but all she did was complain how dad won't let her drive to the north end of Port Huron Don't blame him traffic is bad on Saturday plus she puts 150 dollars of gas in her suv every 2 weeks so we couldn't go to the movies then she offered to take me to lunch then she goes in the kitchen and makes me lunch . I went over yesterday to get some yarn to crochet a couple blankets i asked her to help me learn how to go granny squares she got frustrated that i wasn't picking up the first time and then took over and did it so fast I couldn't see what she was doing .I learn by doing not by watching . Then my sister got madI was there because mom was helping her get a quilt started . my sister lives in town and can see my mom when ever she wants I see her maybe once every coule months If I am lucky . My mom always favored her she could do what she wanted and not get in trouble . I wanted to go to the movies with a group of friends when I was 14 and parents were going to be there my mom said no and a couple years later she lets my sister go with a boy no adult supervision . Sister was 13
Even when I had cancer she never paid attention to me it was all on my sister who had a baby at the same time i was dianosed sister was 16 . All i wanted her to do was be there for me . But she is distant from me and it is getting worse even my daughter dosn't like her she never does anything with her like her other grandma even taking her to the park that is 2 blocks away is to much for my mom all in al it was a good weekend

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I will be gone

Tomorrow I am going out of town for Halloween SO all you out there have fun


fun tag ( thanks Tia)

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car) It Grand Voyager
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream and favorite cookie)Vanilla Snickerdoddles
3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name) MJam
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)Purple Panda
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) Diane West Valley
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first) - Jam Me
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink put “The”) The Blue Colda ( virgin of course)
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)- Theril Gerald
9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne, favorite candy) Old Spice Snickers
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ) Ann Michael

This is fun i tag anyone who cares to do it

why don't people pay attention

i was driving home after dropping the kids off at school and i was stopped due to someone not looking as they we crossing and the car behind me hit me she gave me her info and left
i think i am OK just shaken up and sore my neck whip lashed my bumper is broken but it still is drivable i hate driving

picture tag

rainey made Michigan with her hands in school and then painted I love you to
kisses and hugs

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

update on mel

I am slowly getting better I am talking more to scott and it helps to know that my friends read this and are trying to help. Saturday
i did something to my back we don't know what so i have been in alot of pain and on vicidain i hate that stuff just one puts me to sleep so i can only take it when scott is home at 630 pm so my house is a big mess he tried to clean it yesterday he got as far as making dinner and loading and unloading the dishwasher. I am even having a hard time walking sleeping sitting standing urgh i wish I knew what i did but no extra money means no trip to the dr, the vicidain is from awhile ago when i had money to see a dr. ( 3years ago when i was pregnant with nicholas)
I realize i have a great husband and he loves me very much . I would be lost without him He realizes I have depression and Is willing to help me out no matter what
Noah is doing so much better in school since he got a better teacher

Nicholas is to funny

the other day he fell down and said mommy I have to go to the hospital I said why He said because I broked my bones he gave me a hug and went on playing he knows how to make me laugh
in the car he will start singing along to his cd's we get for him at the library or start singing along to the opening songs or cartoons the other day he got a card in the mail and started
we just got a letter we just got a letter we just got a letter i wonder who it's from ( blues clues) what would i do with out his laughs

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Since many people read this

People ask me how I am I say I am Okay well that is not the truth. The truth is I am not okay. I am beyond miserable. I am such a deep hole I can't find the way out. I have tried so hard to . I am ready to give up on everything.
I am not a good mother i don't have an emotional connection to my children . I guess it stems from my own mother who basically ignored me growing up and still does. I try to do things with just her so we can talk well she invites my sister or brother to come along I still feel like a tag along when I am around her . I was sexually abused my a priesthood holder when i was11 . Emotionally abused by my father. I have tried so hard to let these things go and move one but the hurt is there . I keep so much bottled up I am a walking ticking bomb . I have exploded big time. so the truth is out there I am so depressed I can't see the point of continuing on anymore . I have tried counseling it didn't work . I am taking the class offered at church and I found out yesterday what an awful person I am and I am destroying my marriage. I never had a good example growing up
I have basically withdrawn myself from the people who love and care for me I can't stand being touched i long for that again. I really want to be a different person i really want to change but I don't know where to start .

Friday, October 24, 2008


It is so hard to admit when you really hurt someone then ask for their forgiveness. Since I did what I did to a good friend I realize People who used to talk to don't they see me coming and walk away . I guess I had it coming to me. I still am racked with guilt to the point I don't think I will go back to church and face anyone anymore .

How would you answer this

And Mormons Aren't the Only Ones

0/24/2008 – DEAR MARGO: I am 18 years old and have recently come to terms with the fact that I am gay. The enormous issue with this comes from the fact that I am of the Mormon faith, which famously takes a strict stance on homosexuality. I attend a church school in Utah, and living in a hostile, homophobic environment is taking its toll on me. I am trapped in feelings of self-loathing and doubt, and I wish for nothing more than to have heterosexual feelings. On the one hand, I do believe in the religion and know it has done great things for me, but I also feel like I can't stay a member of the church being who I am. I am afraid that if I live as a gay person, I will be sent to hell in the afterlife, but if I remain celibate in the church, I will be completely miserable. This issue has caused intense bouts of anxiety and depression. I feel trapped with nowhere to turn.


DEAR BE: This is just a guess, as I am no statistician, but there have got to be more gay Mormons than just you. I would posit that you could find a liberal Mormon psychologist who might be helpful to you. It would be a shame to give up a religion you feel has done a great deal for you, but conversely, you are who you are, and it is my understanding that one's religion should not cause him pain, anxiety and guilt. As for wishing to miraculously have heterosexual feelings, you might as well wish for eyes of a different color than you were born with: It's not going to happen. Granted, no one has yet come back to report, but I am highly skeptical that gay people go to hell as a group. I hope you find either a religious or secular counselor who can help you and the Mormons coexist. You might try this site, as well: http://www.affirmation.org/about/.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I am creative

I made nicholas a costume he wanted to be a car so i made him a car . I took a box painted it red made wheels out of black paper plates i found construction paper for headlights and brake nights and it even has a steering wheel it looks so good
i will post pictures as soon as it is all finished

To a Dear Friend

We are all hear to help each other out. No matter what happens in life. I think that is why we are told to find a spouse so we will have a help mate to keep us on track . Even if we don't have a spouse we have family to help us out. Friends are some of the best to have. No matter what we are like there is that one special friend we all have to help us when we fall . Nicholas told me the other day I am his best friend. He is right I have been there since day one to help him in his journey these last 2 years. My dear friend is hurting right now. She is so frustrated at life and at people. I think we all get that way . If anything could you all take a moment out of your day to say a prayer for this friend maybe then she might start to see the blue sky that is over the horizon and things will work out for her.
Dear friend I love you very much I am Here to help you Weather This storm. Maybe that Is why I had the Feeling to move here. On of the talents the lord blessed me with was touching the lives of others and I have

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

i have good friends

they love me even though i did something mean to someone else
they love me enough to take me out and shoot the breeze
thanks to this friend it was fun to do that
i really needed just a few minutes from home just to talk
so thanks again

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

i relized i have a great husband

1 he didn't give up on me when i was going through chemo he stayed by my side even though he was in Japan he kept my spirits up with emails

2 he put up with his mom and trying to give us a list of reason why we should wait 5 more years to get married ( we didn't wait we were married 7 months later)

3 He is there when i need a good friend to talk to

4 he shares my hopes and dreams

5 He loves me enough to know that i have bad days and say mean stuff about him but knows I really don't mean it

6 He loves me enough to spend eternity with him

I know from reason number 1 we can weather any storm life throws at us or we create

Satans grasp

this is what i have been thinking about lately mostly these last few days . I remember given the lesson in relief society a couple weeks ago about storms of life. We all have them but if we build a foundation on Christ when the fiery darts of hell are sent we will be able to withstand then . I now know from my experience that I really don't have that strong of foundation. I let my anger get the better of me Saturday when I posted malicious and hurtful things about a family of friends I have. I yell and scream at my family I am very miserable i feel sorry for myself but I try and help my friends who are further down that pit then I am . these are the tools he uses he makes you miserable so you start to doubt your faith and let the foundation crumble. I remember talking to my mom and she said after a conversation i had with her makes since to me
Me Mom I thought once you got married in the temple and wore the holy garments that he couldn't have a grasp on you
Mom Melissa He won't as long as you work hard at your part and remain faithful to keep him away.
I know realize since I put them one I have been letting my faith sway and haven't been doing what i should to remain strong. I talk about reading the scriptures but they sit unopened I say i will pray more often but i can't get on my knees and face my father with my problems or concerns I want to go to the temple and do work for my family or just sit there and listen to that still small voice i remember the time it whispered you are having a baby and you will be fine but i use the excuse i don't have time or i can't find a sitter
I go to church but my spirit is absent It is hard to focus on the talks when you have 3 miss behaving children and you take them out so others around you can hear . I go to my class but my mind i somewhere else . So his grasp is strong on me I have tried to change but i gave up when i didn't see the results fast enough i want to go to the temple but when will i get there i am closer than ever to one i think to day when Nicholas takes his nap i will focus on reading my scriptures and really focus on them i am sick and tired felling worthless to my family i fell like i don't matter to anyone i am just here to make sure they have clean clothes and food in their bellies i am sick of the feelings i have i want them gone I want to be the person I know I can be it is going to take alot of work on my part but i am really wanting this . is there anybody out there who wants to start reading scriptures together and discuss them together
i want my friends to know what is going on with me maybe they can help me out i really need friends right know there are times i want to really give up on every thing i want that felling gone

Monday, October 20, 2008

Angels among us

I was trying to get nicholas ready for bed he is running a fever and is all stuffed up and well there was a knock at the door and scott saw no one then looked down there were bags of food and some nice clothes for me so who ever you are thank you very much you have brightened my day despite what i did to my friends i hope one day to repay the favor and what is neat is the angel knew my size thanks again my secret angel

what i want

I want those people who read my blog that started all the problem on Sunday to forget you read it don't be so quick to judge. I am working it out with the party i hurt. I don't want to lose any friends over this. for those who don't know I have Known the party since i was14 and the wall flower at a church dance. she started to talk to me we became friends even though we were in different wards then she moved into mine we were the best of friends were counselors at camp together went on youth trips together had fun together then she moved i lost her it hurt bad I had no friends at church we were each others support . Then when it came time to look for a house over here i had a strong feeling to settle into the house i did at the time I didn't know why until i walked into church the first sunday and there she was at the time it was i know that face that voice and we kept looking at each other and finally it hit us we found each other we still don't know the reason why maybe we never know but the concetion was just as stong she has been the sister i never had even though i have a sister and i am the little sister she never got the chance to have .
I called her and we are working this out so like i said forget everything i said before most of it was stuff and i should of went right to the source instead of them hearing it second hand. i never had the idea so many people read my blog i thought it was a select few . I guess i really should of found a diffrent way to vent my feelings.
The reason i stopped talking to Laurie is because I didn't want her to worry about me and all my problems i am having I am having more than anybody knows even my husband dosen't know half of them. I am greatful for our friendship and I never want that to change
As for the Bishop he is a great guy we all have to give him a chance. we all have to learn to get along with each other dispite our diffrence we all share.
As far as the sister I visit teach that was second hand info also who knows the real reson. As for them taking advantage of people I don't really know why I put that. That should of been info that I found out form the party why they felt that way .
I have gone inactive because people i thought were my friends were not. I was constantly made fun of because of the way I looked Dressed talked
I was short and skinny wore glasses have a hard time reading i still do and i can't say words with r's and s's or l's real well becaus eof a speech problem. I wore my mom's clothes and shoes.
I don't want this family to go inactive because of me or anybody else
I have really found out how or words and deeds can hurt someone we love and others around us i am trying my hardest to work though this and it is going to be hard to face them and ask for forgivness from them i hope i get it for i am trully sorry
like i said before lets all of us forget this ever happened and move on with our lives in the mean time they could use help moving ans cleaning up the old house into the new please find time to help them or see what you can do for them they are a good family despite them being what does leeann say Adam's ( meaning weird like the tv show the Adamm's family )

what i have learned

that I to can also be heartless and I can not say I am sorry enough to make the hurt I am feeling away . People who know me are probably surprised by the behavior I displayed a few days ago. I really have no excuse for it. I have been know to keep feelings and stuff bottled so much inside that it finally burst and a few people got hurt in the process that I am Truly sorry . I don't want to lose friends because of this . I really don't have a lot of close friends it has been hard for me to keep the ones I've made due to moving since I have been married .
I am again truly sorry and I pray you can forgive me and we can work this out .

Sunday, October 19, 2008

i will explain

my last posting I admit wasn't very nice. I am sick of the back bitting and belittling i hear go on amongst people who say they are your family or friends. I admit i shouldn't of wrote what I wrote. I was upset and I am having a hard time right now if you read my other posts. I snapped I couldn't bottle it up inside anymore It has been a source of stress for me trying to be neutral and stuck in the middle of peoples fights and problems . but what hurts the most right now is someone read this and told the person all about it and even gave out my blog address to that person. Well they couldn't even confront me had had to go to a second source and have that person ask me why i did it. They accused me of not knowing all the facts well I admit I didn't but i wrote what I have been told over the course of the last 2 years i have lived here either by them themselves or from reliable sources . I would like to thank that person who told on me and gave out this address I will ask them how would they fell if i gave out their info from their blog and then their address .
to the person who is mad at me I am sorry I admit I had no right to say that about you or your family. please forgive me .

certain event s

today at church have lead me to delete this blog after today

Friday, October 17, 2008

out of the mouths of babes

today i was Visiting teaching Sis Schell and we were getting redy to leave and nicholas grab my shirt and goes mom has big boobies i was redder then the sweater i was wearing

saw the doctor

yesterday did a pee test and a blood test they say it is negative both time or it is to early to tell if i am in the family way if i am not that is well with us scott and i decided not to get our hopes up in case i am not the doctor said chances are still good with the symptoms i am experiencing it took my aunt 3 months with the same symptoms to figure out she was in the family way .
SO they took more blood to send to the lab at the hospital to see if there may be any other thing causing these symptoms.
So for now i am anti nausea pills and i will know in a week what the tests results are.
. So for know i am putting all my faith in our father above to help me through this and i trust his decisions whatever they are

6 things about Mel

I am taking Hillary's Challenge
6 quirks about Me

1. When I get a big smile because I am really happy I am been known to stick out part of my tongue

2 When it is summer or winter spring or fall and the sun goes down I am always cold you will find me wrapped in a blanket even in the hottest part of summer i can be 90 when I go to bed and I am still huddled in a blanket

3 I stress about being late I hate being late if the invite says 7 i will be there 15-10 minutes early

4 I am a very disorganized person . If I organize my stuff I can't find anything.

5 I am always trying to change how I look because Cancer altered how i look and I still am not over that hurdle

6 This one is for Scott If I wear socks during the day they stay on at night even when scott and I are intimate but hey he still loves me
Like Hillary I tag anyone who cares to answer

1.Link to the person who tagged you
2.Mention the rules on your blog
3.Tell 6 unspectacular quirks about you
4.Tag 6 following bloggers by linking to them
5.Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Fun with a friend

Michelle came over today and the boys played and we played Rock Band together we even did Sabotage and dedicated it to Ann . It is fun to be surrounded by family and friends the baest part was being able to help her with emily i fed her and put her to sleep but before that we were carring on a baby conversation it is neat to see the expressions their little faces make when you talk to them she even responded
thanks michelle for a fun afternoon

Monday, October 13, 2008

weekend fun

we took the kids to the park and played tag and chased them around then we did chores
I listened to my daughter scream you hate me because i asked her to clean her room i ignored her i laughed when scott went in there to see what he could do he said your mom cleans all day even the walls and ceilings at that part i laughed real hard i said boy i must do it while i'm sleeping no wonder i am tired then we played family rock band nicholas looked cute trying to use the guitar with the strap over him.
Sunday i woke up pukey and dizzy i have been that way for a week but i still taught the lesson in Relif society chapter 19 standing fast in the storms through life that lesson really hit home concerdring my last post . I have learend to move on .
I am on a bland diet until my systems pass dr. rhodinzer's orders last saturday before confernce i was having really bad stomach cramps and was passing blood but i still hosted my confernce potluck at my house despite felling bad.
from tuesday on i have been pukey and sick i hope that soon passes or off to the dr i go to see what is causing this. Josh is thinking a food allergy scott is thinking baby on the way i get this way every time i am in the family way iwon't know for another week i hope it is option 2

Friday, October 10, 2008


i always hated that word but i realize that is what i am i always sat on the sidelines . I still do
i guess it is because i put a big wall around my self and i can't seem to tear it down
I realized it last night at our girls night out party at Hillary's house. Every one seemed to have a good time and I really didn't it was fun to stay out kid free to be among other women but i sat in my own little shell worrying about the winter months to come
how am i going to heat the house make sure my family has enough to eat kids are getting sick of hot dogs and mac and cheese and burger. Church food only goes so far. They want pork chops fried chicken spare ribs turkey once in a awhile not just at Thanksgiving when i get it from the storehouse. How i am going to give them a nice Christmas . Decorations are cheap and the got broke last year even our tree is not very nice looking branches are broke and the tree looks lopsided because of it. i got some stuff for the either on freecycle or i did a bad thing called I used Mr Discover to get a couple things .
I really hate struggling I thought marrying a guy with a degree would help out turns out he has a degree but it got him a job high school diploma holders could do. I thought about working but i have so many health problems i can stand or sit for a long time i tried babysitting but it didn't go well kid was allergic to my cats .
People are wondering how i lost the weight i have it is called not eating so my kids get enough to eat . I pray my break will come soon but that has been the lastfew years and we are still where we were when we got married struggling to make ends met living paycheck to pay check i try to save but then i need it to pay one bill or another .
I looked at the other ladieswho have drs as husbands and realize they are stable have nice house nice clothes the only house i could afford needs lots of work i was able to get it because i said my dad is a handy man and the problems could be fixed with in a year been here 2 years and still not fixed lack of money . as it was inlaws gave us the down payment as a gift to get a house
i know i shouldn't have these feelings i should trust the master but it is hard for me to i somehow am losing my faith real fast.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I got my wish

because i took it up with the school board yesterday and what i said to the principal yesterday that the school and teacher is not working for him we would have to change schools . she got real concerned when her boss called her ( the superintendent) called and talked to her. I got called into her office this morning and well HE got switched to the other kindergarten class to get him away from the kid who would egg noah on to cause him trouble . We had a nice long chat and the new teacher is has patience to teacher them she worked wonders with my friend's little boy
glad that is taken care of .
I am so like my dad always willing to help others no questions asked and when something is wrong you fight like mad to make it right even if it means getting the other person or persons in my cause in trouble because you know what is right for your family .

on to other news Sister dial now has a granddaughter . Olivia Vonda Dial was born last night at 9:30 pm weighing in at 8lbs 14oz and 21 inches long she is a cutie ( Bryce and Adrienne little girl )

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

why I hate Public Schools

Noah was SUSPENDED today . Reason teacher said he pulled down his pants and exposed his butt. I came to get him and he was crying so hard i could hear him outside . I asked what happened in front of the principal and he said Lovey did it and he was blamed for it . I tried to talk to the Principal telling her Mrs Ingram has been telling me things he is doing and I ask him why he said he doesn't do it. He said he doesn't want to go back and he hates her his words. I was told he isn't teachable he isn't ready for kindergarten and I couldn't pay her enough to teach my son. I am sick of this having him come home crying because he is being bullied by the teacher and the principal won't do anything about it. I flat out yelled to the anyone who was in the hallway Noah we are going to Place you I a different school because this school teacher and Principal is not working for you . She walked away like good riddance .
So I am talking to the superintendent to see what we can do with Noah . I hate to have to uproot rainey she is not real good with change and she is adapting nicely to the teacher and her surrondings.
I am ready to homeschool him if i have to
Yes michelle i don't like her peronalitty either.
Since Noah cut the little girls hair lets say a little snip he can't use scissors so Mrs Ingram cats out his stuff then give shim stickers that say good job. What is that telling noah that everbody in life will do your work for you . She flat out gave up trying to teach him the second he walked in the first day and he had a hard time sitting still ofr a couple minutes

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


is ADHD according to the school . They want us to medicate him. WE want to do alternative actions. we need help ladies . For those who's husbands have had medical training can you find out from them the pros and cons of the meds they would put him on if needed we don't trust or family doctor either i 'm afraid he might side with the school to medicate him
we enrolled him a karate class and what a difference the teachers says his name one and then says
chariot ( means attention) then he is fine i want to tell the teacher this but every idea i give i feel is not used in the classroom or he would be more attentive he has gotten a yellow card which is ok and then he tells me and the teacher says that is not right he did something when the last bell rings so i had to put red marker over the red what a negative influance she is having on his self estemm he comes home crying and in a bad mood and when he gets the yellow or green cards they mean he is having an ok or good day he is happing willing to help out. if he gets the bad cards he won't come out of the class room and stays in there crying she goes i don't know why he is crying it is like she dosen't care urgh
we have decided to keep in in with her maybe she will get the point it is her sometimes that causes the problems with our son.
but we know he is learning he comes home with stars and good marks on his papers
Publish Post

Monday, October 6, 2008

here it is my song

One Against the Storm
Written By Melissa Grattan Jamison

Lord what are these feelings why can't I set them free
when I've done all you asked of me
I'm full of doubt and pain
I've lost all I wanted to gain
Where have you gone
when I need you
are you really there
listening to me
I try to be the person you want me to be
but I struggle to be me
I put on a face the world wants to see
but that face is not me
Where have you gone
when I need you
are you really there
listening to me
Father I feel you when I started to let the pain go and the doubt fly
now I am who you want me to be
A choice daughter of you to gain all you offer me
You were there all along
when I needed you
You were listening

There it is I wrote this last June when I was having a really bad
and I don't give anyone permission to post it on there blog with out first contacting me I don't want anyone else out on the web taking credit for it i needed to get this published so please don't take offense if you think i am being rude

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Piano lessons

they are getting harder i am only a couple songs into my second level book and i have to play a bit of Hungarian Rhapsody No 2 It is COMPLICATED so i look it up on the computer and found out the song is 13.05 minutes long i only have to play 3 minutes of it and the piece i have to what i heard is the easy part I looked it up on you tube and they have a cartoon with bugs bunny doing it it is called Rhapsody rabbit it is funny my kids liked it . I was ready to say i quit i can't take it anymore but i realize music is one of my talents and writing is another so in the back of my other piano book i wrote down some words and it is turning into a song i am hopefully get to set to music soon maybe i will send it to some people like hilary weeks or sally deford and see what they can do for me i will post the words in a bit when i find my other book

as for noah we are meeting with his teacher and the school counsler monday moring he only had 2 off days last week and 3 good days when he was getting out of hand she sent noah to the conslurs office and he came back in a better mood
sorry aboud spelling i have a headache and my hands hurt playing piano

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

More discouraging news

Scott got word back he was ineligible for the job with boarder patrol. They based there decision on a test based on a video test where he was given scenarios and had to reply what he would do in certain situations. to me that would be nerve racking . He passed everything else they told him to try again next year. Well now there is going to be more stress in our house because right now he feels like a failure to us. He hasn't been able to find right job to support us without church assistance . I don't know what to do anymore . I have a little boy who has no respect for authority what soever the teacher finds every little fault with him and marks down his behavior . We have tried working with her but like noah she won't listen to us we asked for him to be switched to another teacher we can't do that because or numbers . since he played barbershop he is not allowed to use scissors so she does the cutting for him he sits by himself he has come home covered in sand everyday last week he told the teacher teacher did nothing other moms don't like her either one kid said the song they were learning was silly he got marked down well it is a silly song .
i am so lost right know i don't know were i am . i need help in every direction
please pray for our family we really need it
scott and i are close to a seperation and i don't want to lose him i work so hard to make this family work but he isn't doing his part to help out

Sunday, September 28, 2008


After church I stayed because Scott is Finance clerk . Well Ashley Granness asked me to come here and look in the water pitcher she was getting ready to put water in it for nursey well i did and was DISGUSTED there were MOUSE dropping in it and well I said shut the door I went and got scott We tried to catch it no luck it ran into the chapel .We started cleaning out the nursery closet and well there were droppings on the toys papers in bins they out runs another mouse tried to get number 2 ran into the chapel . Started cleaning more and well she said get the bucket i did we got number 3 and throw him outside . Alot of food had to be throwen out and other fun stuff even the felt board. The bummer part was the Big box of goldfish crakers they chewed through the bags
3 shelves were covered in droppings and the shelves have been chewed up. It was fun watching Bishop booth and Thurber look at each other saying I thought you were taking care of the mouse . I guess they knew about but 3 yikes . What a fun day

Saturday, September 27, 2008

when organizing gets the better of me

I spent the better part of 3 hours yesterday cleaning and organizing my kitchen. I moved the fridge swept under it and moped where it was sitting boy was it nasty then i decided to move the fridge to a different location well i did that 3 times before i was satisfied where it was . Then i did the same thing with my china Hutch which holds my spices and other cooking ingredients instead of china . Then i cleaned out cupboard and a drawer re organized where my dishes went. all in the process of this I pulled a muscle in my back so just typing this is painful and I sliced up my finger when mopping around the back of the fridge my finger got stuck under it and when i pulled it out it got stuck under a metal part. But i am very satisfied in how open it looks know it makes my small kitchen look better.
If Tia and Jen read this Laurie Geeter had her gastric bypass surgery Tuesday
Plus Noah has been behaving better in school

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

children's laughter

is a cure for a bad day it is just nicholas and me during the day so we have fun chasing each other all over the house and getting in tickle wars it is fun . i like hearing his cute laugh it makes me smile to know he is happy and he goes mommy i want a baby sister all 3 of them keep talking about a baby sister but for know i got to go tickle my baby before i blink and he is away on his mission

Sunday, September 21, 2008

DIsappointments in life

we all have them but it feels like mine are happening every day . Some of you know Scott and I have been trying for the last year to have another one but it is not happening. Maybe it is a good thing due to finances or the way certain family members would react . this one family member once told us one is to many. this member also said not using birth control is like playing russian roulette with your life .
My mom and dad especially my dad knows my family is not complete yet and i know that .

another disappointment lately is scott and his job. he is unhappy in it so he is not happy at home . he comes home plays computer until 1 or 2 in the morning gets up at 6 to get ready for work and leaves at 630 to catch the bus comes home at 630 pm . This is causing stress in our marriage . I used to be so happy to be with him but i think after the 2 year when he got laid off he got into this depression he can't get out of and it is tearing us apart he promises he will stop this computer habit but it keeps going on
I am hoping he gets this job with homeland security he got a notice in the mail to stay fit until they call him to do training since he passes the written part of the test the physical part the drug part the background part all he needs to do is pass a video part.
if he enters the training he will be gone for 4 months . he is worried about leaving me behind but he dosen't have to be i have friends who will take care of me .

Like hilary i needed to vent but i wanted people to know what is going on with me to see if they can help me deal with these negative feelings i am having

Saturday, September 20, 2008


Rainey playing ode to joy mom playing O my father
rainey do as i'm doing

Friday, September 19, 2008

tomorrow is my Recital

I am so nervous . I am playing my favorite hymn Oh My Father . It has always been since I could understand the words. I was so glad when I found a great teacher who knows I am a slow learner and is quick to get upset when I don't grasp it the first time we have been working on trying to get me to memorize the piece but i got a couple measures down but that is is so i get to us my book . Rainey has been taking lessons also she is playing Ode to joy first 8 measures then Jesus wants me for a sun beam .
Hope all goes well .

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

We are working

with noah and his teacher at this point . We sat down yesterday and talked to him and told he we want you to have a yellow day which is an ok day or a green day which is a good day i don't want to see any more red or blue days which are bad and really bad days. The teacher and the principal and scott and I talked yesterday. For now he is at his own table by him self when he found this out he cried we told him there is no lunch recess for the rest of the week and no music and art either until he gets a yellow or green . I know it sounds harsh but he needs to learn he can't behave or keep his hands to himself there will be conquences . We are also having see a school counsoler the principal thinks he might have ADHAD (ATTENTION DEFICIET Hyper Activity Disorder) scott doesn't like this but i told her 3 out of my 5 nephews have it even a couple of my cousins have it. I was also given a lis tof books to read by Courtney to see if that help.
I really appperciate the support you have been given me the last few days .
I walked the kids 1.5 miles to school today to see if wearing of excess energy helps i hope that does
I even laid down a few rules today that we expect yellow or green today and had him repeat it 3 times to day
i go pick him up in an hour lets see how it goes

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


has been sent home not even an hour into school he decided to play barber shop with a little girls hair today i was helping Michelle with house work while she took a shower and relaxed so they had to call Scott and they got mad because he had to come after 11 to get him they said we really need an emergency number were you can get them with in 5 minutes
what am i to do basically this teacher labled him a problem child the first day he got out of line and wont work with us or with him she said he isn't ready for school he should be in kindergarten next year my son is almost 6 i hope the principal will listen to use in switching teachers if not well we will pull both our kids out of school and find one were they will work with noah and challenge rainey

my dad said find a free chater school were they help out and work with the stdents it shaped up my brother and made him smarter

Monday, September 15, 2008

kids and school

Noah is one short day of getting suspended he has no respect for the teacher and he is getting his friend in trouble also by his mis behavior . He is playing in the sink in the classroom throwing water everywhere spitting everywhere and blowing in kids faces he is cutting up everything but what he is told to do he is even peeing on the bathroom floor in his classroom . throwing his pencil in anger not doing his work

Lorraine is doing fine it is the teacher we don't care fore. Rainey is a smart girl who is getting bored awfully fast the teacher gives them worksheets count how many in the row and color that many
plus you are graded on coloring she is in first grade she gets marked down if she is out of the lines or if there is a little white spot left or if she doesn't color in the same direction . i am 28 and i still have a hard time coloring in the lines or not leaving white spaces since when do they grade coloring
give me a first grader that has perfect coloring
I don't know what to do i am at my wits end

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Nicholas is to funny

he was walking around in my heeled shoes yesterday and Scott asked him to take them off
he said I can't daddy they are my High school Musical shoes. He has never see that movie I guess he got it from the commercials

Saturday, September 13, 2008

I need help

I have noticed how some of your blogs have the cutest backgrounds from the website i see in the upper left corner i went there and tried to follow the directions on how to do them for some reason i can't figure it out can you help me with this how did you do it i want to customize my blog to reflect my family

cool song

I heard this cool song on the radio it is called Stop and stare by one republic.
i really like it it makes you think about life how you should stop and look around you you never know when it will be your last time to stop and stare check out the music video on you tube it takes a minute into the video to hear the song start.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

my little helper

I asked Nicholas to take a blanket downstairs to the washer to be washed. He was down there a while he came up and said there is a mess downstairs well there was all over the basement floor he tried to put in the detergent also he dumped half the bottle all over so i moped it up with towels and now i have real clean fluffy ones. lucky me

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

tagged again

I am: answering these questions
I know: that my testimony has helped me through the bad times
I want: another baby
I dislike: people who get everything they want without lifting a finger
I miss: my family and friends who are to far to visit in a car
I fear:spiders
I hope: noah learns how to behave better in school
I feel:sick because i am
I hear: Kal-lin a cartoon that teaches kids how to speak Chinese
I smell: nothing right now i have a bad cold
I crave:attention from my husband
I cry: when i am upset
I usually: read a good book
I search: for everyday things that will make me happy
I wonder: why we are sents kids that a totally different from one another
I regret: not going to college when i had the chance
I love: to cook good meals for my family
I care: everybody i love
I always: am glad i woke up to face another day no matter the challenges
I worry: about my children and the world they need to grow up in
I am not: very good at math
I remember: being a little girl
I believe:in everyday miricales
I dance with nicholas
I sing: my baby to sleep
I argue: as little as possible
I write:blogs and my book i am working on
I win: not every game i play it is rare that i do
I wish: to find the cure for cancer so the future generation doesn't have to go through it
I listen:to my child's problems
I don't understand:why i am a mom sometimes i am not good at it
I can usually be found: in my quite spot
I am scared: that the cancer will come back
I need: to fell loved
I forget:what day it is unless the kids are in school
I am: a very helpful person always looking for a chance to serve

I tag...
all my friends who have blogs

grandma sent me this it makes you think

After living what I felt was a 'decent' life, my
> > time on earth
> came to
> > the end.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the
> > waiting
> > room of what I thought to be a court house. > >
> > The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have
> > a seat by the
> > defense table.
> >
> > As I looked around I saw the 'prosecutor.'
> >
> > He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared
> > at me.
> >
> > He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.
> >
> > I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My
> > Attorney,
> > a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so
> > familiar to
> > me, I felt I knew Him.
> >
> > The corner door flew open and there appeared
> the Judge in
> > full
> > flowing robes.
> > He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the
> > room I couldn't
> > take my eyes off of Him.
> >
> > As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, 'Let
> > us begin.'
> >
> > The prosecutor rose and said,
> > 'My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this
> > woman
> > belongs in hell.'
> >
> > He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I
> > stole, and In the
> > past when I cheated others Satan told of other horrible
> > Perversions that were once in my life and the more he
> > spoke, the
> > further down in my seat I sank.
> >
> > I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone,
> > even my own Attorney,
> > as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely
> > forgotten about.
> >
> > As upset as I was at Satan for
> telling all these things
> > about me, I was
> > equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not
> > Offering any form of
> > > defense at all.
> >
> >
> >
> > I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done
> > some good in my
> > life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the
> > harm I'd done?
> >
> > Satan finished with a fury and said, 'This woman
> > belongs in hell,
> > she is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not
> > a person
> > who can prove otherwise.'
> >
> > When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might
> > approach the
> > bench.
> >
> > The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of
> > Satan,
> > and beckoned Him to come forward.
> >
> > As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him
> > in
> > His full splendor and majesty.
> >
> > I realized why He see med so familiar; this was Jesus
> > representing me,
> > my Lord and my Savior.
> >
> > He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge,
> > 'Hi,
> > Dad,' and then He turned to address the court.
> >
> > 'Satan was correct in saying that this woman had
> > sinned, I won't deny any
> > of these allegations.
> >
> > And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this woman
> > deserves to be
> > punished.
> >
> > Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with
> > outstretched arms and proclaimed, 'However, I died on
> > the cross so
> > that this person might have eternal life and she has
> > accepted Me as her
> > Savior, so she is Mine.'
> >
> > My Lord continued with, 'Her name is written in the
> > Book of Life,and no one
&g t; > can snatch her from Me.
> >
> >
> Satan still does not understand yet. This woman is not to
> > be given justice,
> > but rather mercy.'
> >
> > As Jesus sat
> down,
> > He quietly paused, looked at His Father and
> > said,'There is nothing else that
> > needs to be done.'
> >
> > 'I've done it all.'
> >
> > The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel
> > down.
> > The following words bellowed from His lips..
> >
> > 'This woman is free.'
> >
> > 'The penalty for her has already been paid in
> > full.'
> >
> > 'Case dismissed.'
> >
> > As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and
> > raving,
> > 'I won't give up, I will win the next one.' I
> > asked Jesus as He gave
> ; > me my instructions where to go next, 'Have you ever
> > lost a case?'
> >
> > Christ lovingly smiled and said,
> >
> > 'Everyone that has
> come to Me and asked Me to
> > represent them has received
> > the same verdict as you,
> >
> > ~Paid In Full~
> > If you do not
> pass this along to 15 people immediately,
> > absolutely nothing will happen.
> >
> > Passing this on to anyone you consider a friend,
> > (as I have done here), will bless you both.
> >
> > 'Stop telling God how big your storm is.
> > Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!'
> >

Monday, September 8, 2008

dancing the night way

Wedding Fun

my daughter was asked to be the flower girl in Scott's cousin's wedding.Scott was an usher She was the life of the party she was always on the dance floor and having fun despite a bad morning she woke up with a bad cold . She danced with the dj he taught her the hussle we caught her at the bar talking to the bar tender she danced with grandpa and daddy . It was a fun wedding. It was done in a luthran church and the stained glass windows were just beautiful . My favorite 2 were christ in the garden of geshtme and with him surronded by children . The reception at the club house of the local golf corse in Port Huron.

I have been tagged

The 5
10 years ago I:
1. I graduated from Port Huron High School ( number 72 out of 325)
2. Learned how to drive
3. still working at kmart
4. took a plane ride all by myself
5.got in my first car accident

5 things on today's "to do" list:
1. get kids off to school
2. Play games with nicholas
3. Take a nap
4.return library book

5.post pictures to my blog
5 snacks I enjoy:
1. fresh fruit
2. milk
3. sometimes chocolate
4. grandmas homemade brownies
5. home made bread by me
5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. back pack through Europe
2. Donate to cancer research
3. Buy my friend a house
4.get myself a cool car
5.buy my family a better van
5 places I have lived:
1. Utah for 7 years
2.Port Huron Mi for 14 years
3. Grand Rapids Mi
4. Marshall Mi
5. And In my current home

5 jobs I have had:
1. Babysitter
2.Kmart cashier
3. Flower shop
4. Bank one ( gave up assistant manager position to start family )
5. now I am a mom

I tag...Whomever was inspired by this and
1. Jen b
2. Stacy W.
3. Hilary T.
5. Michelle

Rules:Each player answers the question themselves. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment letting them know that they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person that tagged you know when you've answered the questions on your blog.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

First full day

Went well with Nicholas and me . He didn't cry at all when I dropped of Lorraine and Noah.
I caught him singing along with Dora the explorer and he was playing with his bob the builder play set singing the theme song .
Lorraine said she had a fun day
Noah got in trouble with the teacher . He said I didn't have a good day the boys and girls were to loud at rest time and I couldn't sleep
All in al it was a good day I was able to get house work done too and i didn't take all day

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


picture 1 Rainey before going into first grade
2 noah in his class room
3 noah before school

They have great teachers this year
Tomorrow I will be bored with Nicholas Any ideas how to make it a fun filled days with him

trip to the zoo

went yesterday to the zoo with the inlaws it was ok
nicholas kept on wandering off left the monkey house with a different family he was brought back by the mom . We heard the tiger roar many times saw a snake open his mouth like it was yawning
road the train . the best part of the day was in the morning before we left
I was getting nicholas ready he goes mom my legs hurt i asked why he said because they have a tiger in them and he made roaring noises . so we saw ashley grannes at the zoo she does face painting and air brushing he did the kids for free and now nicholas has a tiger on his leg rainey a girraffe and noah a snake .

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Day with Rainey

Today was a day that started out bad . Rainey was cleaning her room and showed us some glass then I noticed her holding some Toliet paper. I asked her what was wrong she showed me . Glass cut her. Little did we know Noah Broke the glass off of her frame and hid it under the bed. Couldn't stop the bleeding so I drove like crazy to her Dr office and they were CLOSED I hate when they close for the weekend when the holiday is Monday . Well I came home she is still bleeding So I called Kendell THurman he was home he came over with a suture kit just in case but he said it didn't need stiches thank goodness she is just wearing butterfly bandages .
So I took her grocery shopping 102.00 dollars later. I stocked up on items for school lunches yes I make them Brown bag it .
Then we went to Amadine's birthday party It was fun she decorated a crown a wand a little hand purse and they got fancy gloves the theme was Fancy Nancy . Brinley was there. She was talking about her mom dying but sister Rachel Hardie ) Told her it was ok her mom will watch over her and keep her safe and that she loves her very much .
THen Rainey and I finished our shopping
Now we are getting ready to watch Nims Island and have Ice Cream .
what started out as a bad day turned out fun .

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Noah's antics

he is a real handful right now . Couple weeks ago i was painting my room got it all done put supplies away . I did leave can of paint in the kitchen for scott to take downstairs and put it under the stair cupboard. well it didn't get done. Noah found the paint can opener a paintbrush and went to town he painted the carpet my white wall in the hallway rainey's dool house her wall his feet and walked sown the stairs with paint all over his feet well he said he didn't do it but foot prints tell other wise. yesterday he throw a volleyball at his light cover on the celling to get a penny out of it he also throw in it well he shattered the cover the glass ripped apart the mesh on the toddler rail on nicholas's bed . then I was cooking diner he decided to try and catch a comb and crayon on fire they melted he put them into the flames on the stove . Ever since he learend to talk and walk he has been trouble he likes blaming it all on casper ( our house ghost) or nicholas
Well in 5 days he starts school I hope he learns to behave better

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

worried about rainey

here is our conversation
Rainey : Mom my tummy is grumbling
MOM: did you eat your breakfast
Rainey: yes i did i had a couple bits
Mom : why didn't you eat more
Rainey : because i want to lose weight
Mom : you don't need to lose weight you hardly eat at all
Rainey : I don't want to eat i want to stay skinney to look pretty

She hardly eats anything a couple bites for breakfast a piece of bread for lunch no crust and a couple bites for dinner and i can tell she is not gaining any weight she can still wear a size 4 in pants they just look like capris I am very worried about her I try buying her favorite foods to get her to eat and she takes a bite she is done . I am afaird she is starting to show signs of anorexia i should know I used to be one but i have never talked to her about that time

my fellow friends I Really need help with this subject what should i do

calling at church and listening to the spirit

I was called to be the secretary in relief society last month. It has been a challenge trying to get to know the new sisters in the ward and getting to know there needs because of that we took 3 weeks to do visiting teaching routes first week just trying to partner them up the next 2 who they visit. the hardest part is there is so many inactive sisters compared to active so we had to go by the spirit on who get who . I am so glad for that if we didn't have the spirit to guide us and help us along the way where would we be in our lives today. I know i would be dead . I was involved in a accident 10 years ago i was out visiting family and the tire on the trailer blew and my grandpa over corrected and we started rolling we smashed mailboxes it could of been us going over the mountain in Colorado Springs. I escaped with 4 stitches because a few minutes before that i had the impression to put on my seat belt and move my face from the window I'm glad i did . stitches came from flying glass that hit my arm if i didn't move my face i probly be blind the way it flew it would of hit my eyes .

I also got locked in my moms ceader chest when i was 8 my sister and i were playing hide and seek and i decided to hide in ther well it shut and had an automatic lock and it was a few minutes but to me it was a lifetime my mom got me out she said something told her i was in there i am glad she didn't ignore the spirit
I am glad it is our lives.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Detroit Science Center

They have a new exhibit called kids town . It is designed for ages 1-5 they have a fire house , a theater with costumes kids can put on their shows complete with lights a cash register it has a library a vets office a field house with a ball pit in it it has a water station that is real neat to play with scott and kids sprayed me it has a diner kids can pretend to cook and serve at the counter or at a table it even has an art studio for the budding artists it even has a wiggle room for 2 and under complete with a gate so they can't escape it was real fun . I even did a hands on on the upper floor . I dissected an owl pellet it is not poo it is throw up like cats get hair balls they trow up because they can't digest bones and fur in mine i found an adult mouse skeleton they had charts there so you can match the bones and find out what it was rainey had a blast doing it we have a future dr on our hands . It is a neat place to check out for those who don't know what do do with the kids if it is something you would enjoy doing buy the member ship i have one and i get invites to the new exhibits before they open up .

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

When it rains it pours

Went in for a well over due oil change a 15 minute one took 1 and 1/2 hours they found a couple problems with my van which is good or i could of really damaged it driving
my tie rod was bad the clamps that hold on my fuel line were gone the mechanic was telling me this i thought it is because i am female and you think i don't know what they are talking about so i was listening i said could you call scott at work and let him know they said sure
well 274.00 dollars later my van is fixed
i am so glad i have a mechanic i can trust he wasn't going to let me drive home yesterday he was worried i would get stranded but i said i don't live to far and he let me go knowing i was not to do my running around i could really damage the van and he didn't want me stranded with 3 kids on the side of the road
good thing me credit cad company raised my limit
things have been tough for us the last year scott is making enough to pay the bills and tithing that is about it we try saving but every time we turn around stuff like this happens
i am so glad we have the church to help us out even if it is just food
i am glad my kids like simple meals