I am a cancer survivor
I have 1 eternal companion
1 daughter
3 sons.
my fair share of challenges
I am human

Saturday, January 30, 2010

my world is slowly crashing around me

last night or should I say at 2this morning as I was trying to calm a real fussy baby I realized this. I am having a hard time adjusting to this new world I have a family of 6. Everyone wants my attention and I am spreading myself thin . My daughter is nothing but attitude when I ask her for help she is like why can't you do it I didn't make the mess. My 1st son I s to active for his own good and doesn't like to listen he finds himself in the corner daily and hates it but hasn't figured out how to stay out of the corner. My second son is in his terrible twos and he is 4 he still won't fully potty train i am hating it. I even went out and bought him his favorite toy put it on the bathroom shelf where he can see it as an incentive to earn it by pooping in the potty not his pants.
Alexander is not doing good at sleeping at night he wants to be awake at night . I try waking him up during the day but he wants to sleep.
My husband I don't know what is going on with him. He has been real distant since Before I had him. I got to bed myself he is to busy for me. he rather talk to his online friends or play his games. what about me. I am stuck inside all day with 4 kids and really no outlet. I am stressed out and tired.
I didn't know mother hood and being a wife were going to be like this. or at least my family.

Monday, January 25, 2010

1 week old already

My little boy is a week old already time sure does fly. We are slowly adjusting to the new addition in our family. The other 3 want to hold him all the time and be around his bed when he is sleeping. I want more than 5 hours a sleep a night . Daddy has been a great help he has 2 weeks off to help me out. which has been great. I was able to catch up on sleep and clean . Something I haven't done much off. I finally get to go back to my old routine.
I even look like I didn't have a baby . I am back to my non maternity clothes.

Friday, January 15, 2010


until my labor day. It will be here fast. I hope and pray everything will go all right. I am starting to get scared. I was induced with Rainey and that almost led to an emergency c section. I am being induced because I have had real labor contractions that don't do anything . I am still stuck at 3 and the doctor was feeling them and monitoring them and well I am one who dosen't go into full labor I stop at 3. with Noicholas I was stuck at 6 for almost 6 hours I kept telling my old dr break the water it won't by itself. Finally he listened . He cam an hour and half after that hopefully with the pitocen and breaking water I will have him by ealy afternoon. so far he might be my smallest. Ultrasound put him just at 7 lbs 12 oz at 37 and half weeks. I had my other 3 by then and they were 7 14 7 15 and 8 9
please keep me in your thoughts and prayers I really need them

Monday, January 11, 2010

1 more week

That is right since I am not progressing but contracting my Ob decided to induce me Next MONDAY
So If I don't have him by Sunday night I go in Monday at 10 am to get things started . I am hoping if I need to be induced it won't be like my last 2 times it happened. The labor was painful and slow. And I couldn't get any meds until I made it to 5 hopefully the meds work this time. I really don't want meds but I have to I have severe panic attacks and asthma attacks during labor.
So in 7 days Alexander will be here

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Almost Done

Soon He will be here it can be any day now. Everything is ready to go. all the furniture for him is put together. Dresser set up. All that is missing is him. I am to the point walking is almost impossible. But soon he will be in my arms ready to met me and the family. My daughter is so sad it is another brother she wishes she had a sister, Sometimes I wish that also for her so she can have a playmate. but she likes playing with Nicholas last night she read him a couple bed time stories she helps in alot of ways.

In the next 17 days yes 17 days will will meet this miracle that had taken over my body since May
but a miracle that was created out of love