I am a cancer survivor
I have 1 eternal companion
1 daughter
3 sons.
my fair share of challenges
I am human

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Looking back

I have had an eventful year this year.
I have made friends lost friends. Saw my children grow for the good or the bad. Asked my husband for a separation things got so bad for us we were not talking when we were we were at each others throats . Lost a grandma to Alzheimer. Got in a car accident. But in all this I have discovered who I am and who I am supposed to be.
I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father. No matter what kind of day I am having he is right there beside me. I am also a wife and mother and found out that I was real nasty to my husband but he still loves me. No matter how many groundings and spankings I give my children they still love me.
I learned that I am loved very much by those who know me.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I am back

I came home about 530pm today and I am exhausted and sore. Friday I fell down my in laws basement steps and hurt my back and my ribs thankfully nothing is broken just bruised from head to toe. I had a great Christmas I got some new pots and pans so now i can do more gourmet cooking and I got a new winter coat plus 2 boxes of cereal ( i got a couple gifts wrapped in the empty boxes . kids made off like bandits they could open a toy store with all they got lets say my father in law was nice enough to take a load back to our house Friday for me and i still had a van load to day to take home on top of our luggage .
Plus my baby is now 3 and off to sunbeams he goes

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


To all my friends who have helped me throughout this year. You mean alot to me .
Thanks for the prayers the friendships and words of wisdom you leave me. I hope 2009 will be slightly better for me and for all of you . May you met the goals you set out to accomplish next year mine is to finish my book I'm writing when done I will let all of you read it.

Monday, December 22, 2008

What a gift I am getting

My sis in law is taking the kids for a couple days yes all 3 of them starting tomorrow after school
she is taking them to see the Tales of Despereaux and then back to her house to stay the night I will see them Christmas Eve when I get to Port Huron for a long vacation I will be back the 29th
I hope the weather will not be that bad for me to travel on Wednesday
I wish all my friends a very Merry Christmas and a Happy new Year

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Aches and pains

i hurt from shoveling the snow yesterday and this morning I also got my finger smashed this morning helping Scott set up bunk beds for the boys and we were setting up the top bunk and we thought we had the one side tight enough he let go and the side rail fell down and landed on my hand but my finger got the worst of it. Then we walked to a couple stores i love living close to the bread store it was fun having to lift the stroller over the snow banks. that is it for today
just take rest of the afternoon and rest

Friday, December 19, 2008


It is 730 in the morning and it is blowing snow out there and still falling so they closed the school. We will see how the day goes
Scott didn't get a snow day he had to venture out to the bus stop and then walk to work after the bus drops him off I hope he stays safe
I am not going anywhere today so have to call the Health Department to reschedule mt appointment
I might make cookies with my kids today if they behave enough for me to get house work done

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

my day

It started out with me getting up and shoveling snow i wish scott would he gets up early enough to do it
drop the kids off at school slip and the stroller went down with and nicholas ended up head first on the sidewalk he is fine just a bad headache
came home did some dreaded housework
played with nicholas until had to get the kids from school
went to wait inside the school only to find out NOAH HAS BEEN SUSPENDED. Had a talk with his teacher and found out he stuck his tongue out at her when she told him to do something spit in a kids face at lunch time wouldn't listen . I asked him why and he said cause I wanted to . So I took a favorite toy of his told him to come here put the toy on the floor then took a monkey wrench and started to bet the toy and I said cause I wanted to . I did this to show him a lesson the I want to have consequences then I took apart his bed I am making him earn it back . He has also lost Santa and his gifts I don't care if that is to harsh it seems like every time I try to discipline him he laughs at me and thinks its funny
Many of you out there have said take him to a doctor to see what is going on,
I blame myself and the fact that I had my first 2 so soon after chemo . I was told to wait at least 3 years to try due to the side effects it would cause my kids and hyper activity is one of them I am so sick of this the stress is causing me a lot of problems I can't eat sleep or relax
I just wish for a moments peace

Monday, December 15, 2008

Mom's mini vacation

I spent the weekend with my mom and my daughter it was fun we went Christmas shopping and went to lunch together and had fun i also showed rainey how to needlepoint and how to use fabric paints . I had a stress free fun weekend and the reunion with Nicholas was fun he gave me a great big hug and help me tight and Noah listened to dad and got some much needed one on one time with him .

Friday, December 12, 2008

Memories of a little girl

My daughter had been asking for a baby sister for a long time which is hard on me because i can't give her one or be sure she got one she has been asking for one for christmas she even told santa this. Well Grandma Grattan is pulling through on this little girls request . She has a doll that looks life like and see didn't want to give it to her naked so i said how about baby clothes. I told her I have boxes of baby girl clothes. I went in the cold dark attic yes me I am claustrophobic . I found the box i was looking for. I had so much fun remembering the little girl that put in my arms almost 7 years ago and then them taking her away quickly and then not hearing anything for about an hour on what was wrong I remember the nurse telling me he had to be put in the neonatel ICU then the nurse taking me to see her with the tubes and wires and the oxygen tent she had to be in It was a sad time . She was a sick little girl at birth but she pulled through and then I remember the outfits and the one dress she will be using is one I put on her with a cute hat and calling her the muffin girl the hat was to big so the photoghrapher moved it up a little and she looked like she had on a muffin top for a head .

Thursday, December 11, 2008

A few moments to be me

It is a little before 6 am couldn't sleep any longer when i am so stressed out i can't sleep my body aches all over. Yesterday was such a bad day I got a bad report from Noah's teacher. He flipped off the lunch lady . Where he learned that I don't know . I asked him why he did that he said another boy in class told hm to. I believe that one. I am at my wits end with this child right now . He has done nothing but cause trouble since Friday for the Teacher and at church. I am scared of what he will become. I tried talking to him telling him that is not funny and he did something he was not supposed to do and I lost my temper with him I feel so bad I left a hand print on his face . as i sat at Nancy's house reading a back issue of her Ensign I got a feeling to read the story of Lammen and Lemul and they tell it to him in words he would understand also the story of Alma the younger maybe that would help him . I don't know what else to do . Please pray for our family . I could use all the help I can get right now they are a few short steps of kicking him out of school

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Noah and school

It isn't going well he got in trouble last week for peeing on the bathroom floor and he did it monday he thinks that it is funny . the janitor told him next time he was going to make him wwear diapers to school I am almost ready to do that he thinks getting in trouble is funny he said he dosn't want to go back I don't know what has happened to my sweet little guy he used to be so good then the last couple of years have been nothing but trouble no wonder i am sick all the time i have had it with my kids behaviors they are nothing but stress for me right now

Nicholas is being tempermental

I don't know what is gotten into him He is fine one minute the next he is madder than a bull. He got made because he couldn't get out of the car the way he wanted . He wanted an orange so i cut it like i normally do well that wasn't what he wanted me to do he trow the orange and then bite me then started to pound me with his fist so i put him on the floor next thing i know i have a toy flying at me. He screamed at me for 2 hours yesterday because not all his cars would fit in his case hard to fit 30 cars in a case that would hold 2 . Now he is in his room crying for his blanket i wish i know what has gotten into him the last few days

Monday, December 8, 2008

Christmas devontional

I watched it with my family on the computer the feed we got on byu tv was in spanish don't know why luckily we have high speed so we were able to see it. It has left me with a source of peace i have real never felt this way it is an amazing feeling
the words spoken were so special I liked the way they talked about their family tradtions and i decided to start one of my onw i will carol at my kids doors every night before they fall asleep

Sunday, December 7, 2008

A sad story but has a happy ending

My mom told this story it is true it involes my Sis in law and Nephew who is 4and a half
They were at the library and my nephew was given a book to read my sis in law got so into a book she forgot about him thank goodness for a kind angel . My nephew made it outside no coat on no idea where he was and he was crying the angel found him and took him inside dried his tears and helped him find his mom. thank goodness no one else found him and took him . we never got this angels name she was gone before she could be thanked
I draw a few conclusions from this story
1 when we wander off the path we get lost
2 when we are lost bad stuff can happen
3 there is one who can really help us find our way back
I am so glad I pray for my family and I am so glad an angel was looking over my nephew that day he is the light of my brother's eye .

Friday, December 5, 2008

A tear jerking christmas song

I heard this on the radio today it is called A baby changes everything. It is by Faith Hill
It talks about Mary's point of view when she was with child . The song is so true babies change everything . Look it up I guarantee you will cry

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


is such a thoughtful yet sensitive girl. They have a secret shop set up at her school she was given back to much change and she told the lady but the lady didn't listen so after school we told the PTO mom what happened she was surprised that we would give the extra money back I said I am teaching my kids honesty .
She bought 2 necklaces and said they were both for me well after a while she asked if she could have one. She said I bought one for me but I thought you would get mad. I told she could have it then. Well I get out of the shower and she gave it back to me with a note that said
I am sorrey mom for tacking back the nekless can you forgiv me ( that is how she wrote it)
So today I went to the secret shop and got her one for her stocking
She can be real sassy and mean one minute then real sweet and innocent the next I am waiting to see what the teen years bring

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Chores Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't like doing housework very much I did when it was Scott and I 2 loads of Laundry I'm Done .
Now I don't seem to see the bottom of the pile . I also hate the sock monster I spent a better part of a half hour trying to match socks in the sock basket I still haven't found the bottom of that one. I clean the living room Nicholas decided to pour himself cereal well it spilled all out of the bowl and he decided to step in the mess crushing every bit of cocoa puff into the carpet. Bathroom in another stories 3 boys in the house daughter who thinks the all ready foam soap is her personal counter decorator she hates the color of the walls and counters so she tries to redecorate it I hate the bathroom also but we have to do repairs a little at a time this tax money goes to new vehicle fund and my small kitchen no counter space and no cupboards i can reach got to draw plans for my dad to look over
I love doing the dishes though don't know why i think standing there washing dishes and thinking to my self without interruptions i do them when Nicholas is sleeping and kids are at school

Monday, December 1, 2008

December 1 alraedy

seems like yesterday it was Christmas now it will be in a couple short weeks. Time sure does fly
I remember the first Christmas Scott and I were married we were married for 7 months had a small apartment so we had a table top tree and a few decorations I made out of construction paper I was 6 months along and big I had to turn sideways to fight in the kitchen . I got a sweater I still wear it He got a computer game we still play it. The next one I was expecting again ( age difference between Rainey and Noah 11 and 1/2 months) spent it with inlaws few days later went home to bury his grandpa kidney failure. The next one he was unemployed company merger we got a knock on the door there were boxes galore food and clothes coats and toys for the kids. went to inlaws got in a huge fight with father in law he told me gettitng off my birth conrol was like taking a gun to my head and pulling the trigger I got off because of the side effects and doctor wanting me off because of them. Plus Noah got a double ear infection. The next one don't remeber much I think it was a fun one we moved a few days after christmas. Next one I spent in the Hospital having Nicholas he was born the 26 th . Then I moved to Eastpointe before the next christmas I spent unpacking and hosting a huge Holiday open house for Family I always did apartment Living but we decided to buy a house so i had to set it up . Nicholas turned one the next day Noah got so sick he had to go to the er he was dehydrated real bad Flu was nasty for him. Last year was fun my living room was overrun with gifts from santa grandparents aunts uncles mom dad and an anyomus donor last year scotts work adopted our family for christmas and someone did a knock and run I did that with one family a week before I had Nicholas family was out of work she was expecting also so I took some extra money we had and my family gave donations so I could give their kids christmas . I hope this year I can have good memories with my children. I never really liked the holidays very much so I always have dreded christmas . My daughter has been praying for me she is 6 and full of faith she is also praying for a baby sister . I joined the choir and I am really listening to the words of the songs watching christmas movies and I think tonight I will retell the christmas story and put up the nativity that is what my mom would do she would read it and we would add the chacaters as they were read off i wish I had a neat one like my mom's it was hand crafted by my grandma Grattan when I was little she has since passed I would love one like hers.