I am a cancer survivor
I have 1 eternal companion
1 daughter
3 sons.
my fair share of challenges
I am human

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A hard decison but it was worth it

since March I have been getting emails from my mom that have been not so nice all about how much I hurt my dad with something I said to him. I thought things were going fine when my dad started talking to me again and hugged me good bye well the drama started up again I guess in October I posted something on face book and he commented and I deleted it. He got mad about that. I told him he didn't have permission to be leaving comments on my page and that what he said was private and next time to email it to me. Well he didn't like that one bit. So he had my mom email me some things saying he was doing this out of love. So I emailed her back big mistake my dad was reading her emails . I asked her if he really loved me why was I treated the way I was as a child . Here is an example. I tried out for the School play I got a part in the choir I was excited and told my dad and he said why did you even bother you can't sing they can't pay anybody enough to teach you and you are to fat and ugly to be on stage. . This was a constant with him So I asked my mom why when I was growing up did he call me fat ugly and stupid all the time. why did she always pay attention to my sister all the time. I asked her questions I couldn't ask a few years ago they had to come out. Well the emails got nastier and hurtful they were all bout how much I hurt my dad . I was told I couldn't call or visit .
that was fine with me
Well my little brother posted something on his face book page and I took great offense to it and well my dad didn't like what I put so he basically called me stupid right on face book so i deleated my post that got him madder so I said something I have never said to him before that set him aback I said @##% U to him. SO then he set my other brother to gang up on me by now I am being accused of tearing the family apart . So I sent something to my brother I tell him the truth he can't take it because his head has been told so many lies. My dad then posted something to me that I took great offense to when I posted I am a cancer survivor and that has made me a strong person and I will no longer let life get me down . He came back all up set and started belittling me again I told him I am done I am sick of his games that it is ok for him to be mean to others and accuse them of falsehoods and demand apologizes but I am not allowed to speak the truth and stand up for what I believe in I am sick of being attacked and him using other family members face book pages ` to hide behind that is low so I told my family good bye. I got sick of every email Melissa you are tearing the family apart you are hurting your dad more than you will ever know or when will you grow up and get out of your fantasy world. Scott even spent 2 hours composing an email to my mom going line by line answering every question she asked you can tell she didn't bother to read it because 3 days later she sent another one saying she refused to talk to me and asked Scott the same questions she asked me
you may say I am being mean and I should forgive them but I have told them I needed space and every day I keep getting emails and they kept on getting nastier and nastier . I keep replying the situation in my mind and keep trying to do thing differently but in the end it all turns out the same, In order for me to move on and protect me I had to say good bye. I will forgive them in my own time they may never forgive me. That is their choice. My kids my never know their grandparents but my kids always refereed to them as they ones they didn't like they never really visited and when we went over to see them they were to busy to see us.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

November happenings

Not a very good month for me. I am having so many health problems and gone through so many tests and they still can't can't find what is wrong. Had a pregnancy scare. I took a test and It came back positive and i waited a day to show Scott well I had him go out and get another test it came out negative so that night I went out bought 2 more and they both were negative . Don't get me wrong I would of been happy if it was really true but we are done having kids. Scott and I can't be intimate with each other since the meds I am on make birth control non effective and my neuro doctor said pregnancy is the last thing you need right now and after we figure out what is wrong with you you are getting fixed. we agreed to that one. I am having personal problems. And the person I confided in put all the blame on me after she blabbed to someone else what the problem was after she said I could trust her to keep it a secret so i lost her trust so i don't think I can trust her again . But the good news is Christmas is almost here and I can afford to give my kids what they want and not have to go to the dollar store or rely on grandma and grandpa jamison to buy it for them. I go the doll for my daughter she wanted the legos my son wanted and toy my other son wanted. I hope by the new year they figure out what is wrong because just typing this hurts my hands