this is what i have been thinking about lately mostly these last few days . I remember given the lesson in relief society a couple weeks ago about storms of life. We all have them but if we build a foundation on Christ when the fiery darts of hell are sent we will be able to withstand then . I now know from my experience that I really don't have that strong of foundation. I let my anger get the better of me Saturday when I posted malicious and hurtful things about a family of friends I have. I yell and scream at my family I am very miserable i feel sorry for myself but I try and help my friends who are further down that pit then I am . these are the tools he uses he makes you miserable so you start to doubt your faith and let the foundation crumble. I remember talking to my mom and she said after a conversation i had with her makes since to me
Me Mom I thought once you got married in the temple and wore the holy garments that he couldn't have a grasp on you
Mom Melissa He won't as long as you work hard at your part and remain faithful to keep him away.
I know realize since I put them one I have been letting my faith sway and haven't been doing what i should to remain strong. I talk about reading the scriptures but they sit unopened I say i will pray more often but i can't get on my knees and face my father with my problems or concerns I want to go to the temple and do work for my family or just sit there and listen to that still small voice i remember the time it whispered you are having a baby and you will be fine but i use the excuse i don't have time or i can't find a sitter
I go to church but my spirit is absent It is hard to focus on the talks when you have 3 miss behaving children and you take them out so others around you can hear . I go to my class but my mind i somewhere else . So his grasp is strong on me I have tried to change but i gave up when i didn't see the results fast enough i want to go to the temple but when will i get there i am closer than ever to one i think to day when Nicholas takes his nap i will focus on reading my scriptures and really focus on them i am sick and tired felling worthless to my family i fell like i don't matter to anyone i am just here to make sure they have clean clothes and food in their bellies i am sick of the feelings i have i want them gone I want to be the person I know I can be it is going to take alot of work on my part but i am really wanting this . is there anybody out there who wants to start reading scriptures together and discuss them together
i want my friends to know what is going on with me maybe they can help me out i really need friends right know there are times i want to really give up on every thing i want that felling gone