I am a cancer survivor
I have 1 eternal companion
1 daughter
3 sons.
my fair share of challenges
I am human

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Stage 2 cancer

if any one dosn't know cancer is divided into 4 stages each cancer treatment is determined by the stage it is in. Well my Father in law has stage 2 meaning they caught it and it is treatable and it stayed in one spot and didn't spread.
His course treatment is
6 weeks daily radiation
6 weeks daily chemo ( pill form)
so that means we can't go to my inlaws with the kids for a while .
Then the next thing they are checking him for is the colon cancer gene . His mom died of colon cancer when he was in his early 20's .
If he has is then Scott needs to be checked for it and if he has it my kids need to be checked for it.
I wish my father in law didn't have this dreadful disease .
It is hell on earth . I would n't wish it on my enemies.
For my readers out there June 20th is my 9 year graduation date from chemo. I had stage 3 and half meaning it was in one central spot but spread to more than one organ . It was in my Lymph nodes my heart my lungs and my spleen . I was a month away from it going in my blood. and bones at that point I wouldn't of made it. I am glad I did.
I will be signing up to go back to school my degree
Pediatric oncology( cancer nurse for children) .

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Nice sunny day

it was 80 yesterday so i did some yard work. I forgot one important thing when I was out side
SUNSCREEN. Yes I have a nice sun burn on my back you can see my shirt lime one my back and front. It is on my arms and face.
I mowed the lawn and cleaned out the shed. I organized and washed the kids out side toys.

I urge all of you out there to wear sunscreen a hat and shades while outside.
Last year I found out I am allergic to the sun. So on top of the burn I have ictcy and blotchy hives.

Friday, April 24, 2009

father in law

made it through surgery alright.
we almost lost him yesterday due to a nurses negligence .
she was sponge bathing him and left him in the room standing up. he couldn't move a whole lot due to the meds he is on . he couldn't reach the call nurse button or risk falling and pulling his stitches and bleed inside . When they finally found him his blood pressure was so low and if he was left alone even for a few more minutes more he would of passed out and surly ripped out the stitches and bleed out. Needless to say we are very angry with this nurse. thank goodness he is ok .

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

father in law update

Mom in law called last night. They are removing 12 inches of his colon to be on the safe side. this will be tomorrow.
In other news I started my garden last Saturday. I dug up my lawn in the back yard with scott's help and the kids help. WE are getting it ready to plant the seeds i started to spout . we have 15 bean plants so far I just have to be patient with the other seeds to see if they sprout. I even have the nasty blister on my hand to prove I worked hard getting the sod up

Saturday, April 18, 2009

A fun day turns gray

Yesterday I bought a membership to Henry ford Museum and I can get into Green field Village for free on it. We had a family fun day. We went to dinner at Cici's pizza rented a couple movies to watch with the kids. During the movie I got a phone call not a good one. Scott's dad has colon cancer. This comes a year after he had kidney cancer they removed the kidney he was fine. Lets hope by removing part of his colon he will be fine. If that dosn't work I know he will not go in for chemo or radiation. He will say let me die I am an old man. He isn't even 60.
I know we have our diffrences in the past but he is a good man. He came home from Nam with a purple heart. He loves to talk about that war he has such passion Only if he would put that passion in fighting for his life. I know where he is coming from. I know first hand the effects of chemo I havn't had it for 9 years but every time I see myself I see a totally diffrent person . Everytime I see the scares in my arms from the needles of chemo and weekly vampire visits( what I called the blood draw nurse who took forever) . Shots to the bone marrow when I had no white blood cells and most of all when I see the swollen leg .
Please say prayers for our family we need them.

Friday, April 10, 2009


My inlaws have the kids for awhile. Scott and I are going on a date tonight we really need it. Then off to Home depot and lowes to finish getting supplies to make my house a home we are painting the kitchen kids rooms and the hallway. We are also getting a chest freezer to start buying in bulk so we only have to get grocerices maybe every 2-3 months.
when the kids left I took a walk and bought seed to start my garden this week . So we will have fresh veggies this summer maybe I might buy more so I can start canning
I miss the noise the constant mom he looked at me mom he pointed at me noah get out of my room the biggest one right now is Mom I want a new family nobody is nice to me.


today i woke up early due to severe pain in my leg. It dosen't help that it is the severely swollen one. time to get out the cane which I hate using. I need to get one that looks more feminine . I also had to look for my sock that gets tight as the day goes on but it helps. I have been living with this for almost 9 years. I have the option of get surgery on it but chances are it might make it worse . If I do this I won't be able to move for a couple weeks I need to mova and take care of my family so I have leared to live with the pain

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I tried this give away once I'll try it again

Restrictions and Limitations:

1. I make guarantees that you will like what I make! (you know i am real creative )
2. What I create will be just for you. (and I will match your personality if I know you )
3. It will be done this year.( I promise you that yo will get it by July )
4. You have no clue what it's going to be, because I don't even know what it's going to be! ( I don't know yet either I have no ideas until I see the names of the 3)
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange. ( I don't do strange just unique )

The Catch: You must re-post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 3 people who comment on your post and agree to do the same!So get ready for your mystery treat... but be prepared to share the love! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you get when you get it.

Have fun with this I can't wait to see who I am designing for .

Monday, April 6, 2009

Conference Time

This last few weeks has been trying on me. Emotional physically and spiritually. I was planning a surprise party for my dad's 50th birthday . I am trying to cheer him up since his birthday is on Mother's day he thinks he will be left out and not remembered. I made a big mistake and telling my mom. She told my sister and well they decided to go and plan it their selves I had the whole menu planned and everything. I was asked to bring the jello. I have bitter feelings toward my mom and sister . I am thinking on mot going. but I don't want to hurt my dad's feelings. I know see where my dad is coming from when he says he feels invisible by certain members of my family My mom and sister are forever planning to do things together almost every weekend no body calls me or my sis in law to see if we want to come or hang out.
I have been having a lot of physical problems lately. We have been trying for another baby and no luck. I told Scott after alot of crying and heartache. I don't want to try anymore as much as I want another one I am sick of the heartache. Seeing the new babies and some of my friends expecting has been a reminder it is not happening for us. But I want them to know I hope they continue to have a good time caring that baby and all goes well. I have also not been sleeping or I don't have an appetite when it comes to food. I eat just to live not because I have an urge to or my body saying I'm hungry.
Spiritually I have been lost and confused . I was talking to Scott and saying I think I am going to quit coming this ward is starting to remind me of the one back home where we tried to get along but behind closed doors people talked badly about each other. I have heard some of this. It is not pretty. I am not giving names. It is so hard to feel the spirit when there are those feeling towards other members and you can feel the I hate to use this word Hatred. I try to be friend others I still feel alone.
That is when I heard the talk YOU ARE NOT ALONE WE ALL HAVE OUR TRIALS TO WORK THROUGH. He is right there are people out there like me I shouldn't have to walk alone . I have had my share of problems and there is somebody out there who has had CANCER Lost a loved one to it ( an AUNT, GREAT GRANDFATHER and I almost was me.) Who adopted because they couldn't have children MAYBE THAT IS WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO THEIR MIGHT BE A LITTLE GIRL OUT THEIR WHO NEEDS ME AND I NEED HER. WHO is ignored by family member sfor what ever reason.
I am so glad I got to here the prophet and others talk the last few days and hear the choir sing I sang along with them even thought I have a cold and a squeaky voice.
but it was worth watching and listening even Rainey sat and was asking us questions on certain topics.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Was it something I said or did

Noah has been doing better in school these last few days. He gets to shake a dice twice for good behavior and those are his points for the week it he has a bad day we shake it twice and deduct points.
He has been pleasant to talk to play with the other night he prayed that he would behave better in school so mom or teacher wouldn't be made it seems to have worked lets hope he can keep up the good behavior until summer vacation

I've been tagged

Michelle gave me the letter "P"
here it goes
10 things that start with "p"
1 Parents ( heavenly and earthly)
2 Patience ( I need a lot of it)
3 Pretending ( this is fun with Nicholas)
4 Pregnancy ( I'm not but hoping to be soon)
5 Play time ( with my kids and husband)
6 Popcorn( my favorite snack)
7 Pretzels( I like the shape and taste of fresh baked ones.)
8 Problems( we all need them to make us stronger)
9 Prayers ( we all need them in our life to get through the problems)
10 Priesthood power( it is an awesome thing glad I have a priesthood holder in my house)

I tag who ever want to do this again with whatever letter they want here is a challenge do it with all 26 letters 1 for each letter