People ask me how I am I say I am Okay well that is not the truth. The truth is I am not okay. I am beyond miserable. I am such a deep hole I can't find the way out. I have tried so hard to . I am ready to give up on everything.
I am not a good mother i don't have an emotional connection to my children . I guess it stems from my own mother who basically ignored me growing up and still does. I try to do things with just her so we can talk well she invites my sister or brother to come along I still feel like a tag along when I am around her . I was sexually abused my a priesthood holder when i was11 . Emotionally abused by my father. I have tried so hard to let these things go and move one but the hurt is there . I keep so much bottled up I am a walking ticking bomb . I have exploded big time. so the truth is out there I am so depressed I can't see the point of continuing on anymore . I have tried counseling it didn't work . I am taking the class offered at church and I found out yesterday what an awful person I am and I am destroying my marriage. I never had a good example growing up
I have basically withdrawn myself from the people who love and care for me I can't stand being touched i long for that again. I really want to be a different person i really want to change but I don't know where to start .