I am a cancer survivor
I have 1 eternal companion
1 daughter
3 sons.
my fair share of challenges
I am human

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A hard decison but it was worth it

since March I have been getting emails from my mom that have been not so nice all about how much I hurt my dad with something I said to him. I thought things were going fine when my dad started talking to me again and hugged me good bye well the drama started up again I guess in October I posted something on face book and he commented and I deleted it. He got mad about that. I told him he didn't have permission to be leaving comments on my page and that what he said was private and next time to email it to me. Well he didn't like that one bit. So he had my mom email me some things saying he was doing this out of love. So I emailed her back big mistake my dad was reading her emails . I asked her if he really loved me why was I treated the way I was as a child . Here is an example. I tried out for the School play I got a part in the choir I was excited and told my dad and he said why did you even bother you can't sing they can't pay anybody enough to teach you and you are to fat and ugly to be on stage. . This was a constant with him So I asked my mom why when I was growing up did he call me fat ugly and stupid all the time. why did she always pay attention to my sister all the time. I asked her questions I couldn't ask a few years ago they had to come out. Well the emails got nastier and hurtful they were all bout how much I hurt my dad . I was told I couldn't call or visit .
that was fine with me
Well my little brother posted something on his face book page and I took great offense to it and well my dad didn't like what I put so he basically called me stupid right on face book so i deleated my post that got him madder so I said something I have never said to him before that set him aback I said @##% U to him. SO then he set my other brother to gang up on me by now I am being accused of tearing the family apart . So I sent something to my brother I tell him the truth he can't take it because his head has been told so many lies. My dad then posted something to me that I took great offense to when I posted I am a cancer survivor and that has made me a strong person and I will no longer let life get me down . He came back all up set and started belittling me again I told him I am done I am sick of his games that it is ok for him to be mean to others and accuse them of falsehoods and demand apologizes but I am not allowed to speak the truth and stand up for what I believe in I am sick of being attacked and him using other family members face book pages ` to hide behind that is low so I told my family good bye. I got sick of every email Melissa you are tearing the family apart you are hurting your dad more than you will ever know or when will you grow up and get out of your fantasy world. Scott even spent 2 hours composing an email to my mom going line by line answering every question she asked you can tell she didn't bother to read it because 3 days later she sent another one saying she refused to talk to me and asked Scott the same questions she asked me
you may say I am being mean and I should forgive them but I have told them I needed space and every day I keep getting emails and they kept on getting nastier and nastier . I keep replying the situation in my mind and keep trying to do thing differently but in the end it all turns out the same, In order for me to move on and protect me I had to say good bye. I will forgive them in my own time they may never forgive me. That is their choice. My kids my never know their grandparents but my kids always refereed to them as they ones they didn't like they never really visited and when we went over to see them they were to busy to see us.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

November happenings

Not a very good month for me. I am having so many health problems and gone through so many tests and they still can't can't find what is wrong. Had a pregnancy scare. I took a test and It came back positive and i waited a day to show Scott well I had him go out and get another test it came out negative so that night I went out bought 2 more and they both were negative . Don't get me wrong I would of been happy if it was really true but we are done having kids. Scott and I can't be intimate with each other since the meds I am on make birth control non effective and my neuro doctor said pregnancy is the last thing you need right now and after we figure out what is wrong with you you are getting fixed. we agreed to that one. I am having personal problems. And the person I confided in put all the blame on me after she blabbed to someone else what the problem was after she said I could trust her to keep it a secret so i lost her trust so i don't think I can trust her again . But the good news is Christmas is almost here and I can afford to give my kids what they want and not have to go to the dollar store or rely on grandma and grandpa jamison to buy it for them. I go the doll for my daughter she wanted the legos my son wanted and toy my other son wanted. I hope by the new year they figure out what is wrong because just typing this hurts my hands

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

ups and downs of this move

the ups
Better paying job
better place to raise family
better school for kids
love the house we are renting
getting to know my new ward.
I have a visiting teacher who visits
sun rise ans sun set over the river
kids are bussed
more family oriented activities for kids
park 2 blocks from my house.
less job related stress on scott
growing closer as a family

the downs
renter didn't pay rent
water was never shut off when we told them to shut it off 1200 dollar bill later
being lied to over and over again by a friend dumped that friend
giving house back to the bank
never seeing my old friends again face book only goes so far
but in all of this i am learning to rely on my faith more and more each day a little at a time.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Settled in

We are all unpacked and rooms are put together . I got lost a few times but I have managed to find my way around town. I am in the choir and love it. there is a good variety of talent. Our baritone is in his 70's and he has a great voice . I am practicing the piano more I was asked if I could play and I was told to say yes. SO I did and told them if i get list of songs before so i can practice during the week. Here is a video of my kitchen and living room
video

Sunday, September 5, 2010

We are almost settled in

WE made it to Wisconsin at 1130pm on the 2 of September. It was a long drive one kid pucked all over the back seat . One cried almost the whole way one wouldn't be quite and one wanted to go back to the home in Michigan i will let you guess who did what. The house we are renting has a huge kitchen and I have room for everything . I have cupboards low enough that the kids can unload the dishwasher . The cupboards are on the top and bottom the length of the wall and the dishwasher is big the fridge is a big on and I have a glass top stove. So there is plenty of room to do more baking for the kids and better made meals .
The master bedroom has 2 walk in closets that we made one baby's room . Our window faces the lake. The bathroom is huge it has a stained glass window it has a double sink and a makeup counter and a dressing area . the boys room is huge the closet is another walk in so i put a dresser and their toy boxes and they plenty of room to play and i can put a desk in it. The girl has her own room off the living room she likes it . The enclosed porch is big enough or a play room that is what it became . The dining room is separate from the living not one whole room like my old house . The washer is a commercial washer so i can wash the comforters and not have my washer unbalance . The neighborhood is real quite . I like this hous ewish I can buy it. If I could I would . I will post pictures soon . Just have to unpack more boxes

Friday, August 27, 2010

A busy month

Beginning of the month Scott got a job in Wisconsin. This is a huge step up the career ladder for my Husband more money and a better job better co workers better everything. I don't have to pack or load a truck it is being paid for by his new company. First months rent and security deposit is already paid for by the company. Found a rental house on craigslist the rental agency took our application by fax we signed the lease faxed it back. I got a house on the lake that was gutted and redid all last month so eveything is brand new in it. It is a nice place close to the schools better education for my children they care about class size and not closing schools left and right and jamming them all in 1 class room with stressed out teachers . So I have 5 days left in Michigan before I move.

The only bad thing about this month is I had to put my cat to sleep she had diabetes and was old and getting arthritis i sure miss her

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Fun is just begining

Clean Clean and then some more then pack oh wait His company is packing it all for us all we have to do is get things ready to be packed like all the garbage out , toys in their toy boxes and clothes hung up and put in the dressers bed left unmade to be wrapped I hope i have enough time to get all this done

Friday, August 6, 2010

Life has forever changed

It has happened my husband got a job that is taking us out of Michigan finally . New destination Oshkosh Wisconsin. I have 3 weeks to clean and pack and find a new place to live . I have done this before but the difference is it has always been within the state and I found a place with in a weekend now i have to drive almost 9 hours and spend a couple days . I can do this. It means some more money in my pocket to get our debt down and gone with in 3 years-4 years credit card wise 6 years student loan then the only debt after that is a mortgage . here is to a better and brighter future for my family

Monday, July 26, 2010

Enjoyable summer days:

For the first time in a while, we had a beautiful weekend day with low humidity. After typical Sunday activities, we all ended up outside for the better part of two to three hours. First, the squirt guns came out, and everyone had a fun time squirting each other, and the squirt guns were small enough for the baby to get into the act without getting drenched and unhappy. After that, the bicycles came out. Unfortunately, one of the bicycles has a slipped chain that needs to get repaired, but other than that outside was a hit.

While the bicycles were zooming back and forth, Melissa and I made lists of the activities we need to do to make the house more saleable (if it comes to that) as well as a list of things that may come with us if/when we do finally move. Of course, after we made the second list, I still managed to run across three items in the first two seconds that were never discussed. Oh well.

For the first time in... well, forever, I'm moved out of my parents' house. They brought the majority of my boxes from storage on Saturday. I managed to pitch quite a few, but it still added five boxes of stuff that will hopefully be moved shortly. It was quite a few blasts from the past, and there were a few painful decisions (I don't really *need* all those trophies I earned from fifteen-plus years ago, I remember all my accomplishments pretty easily, though it was tough to say goodbye). Once we get the rest of it out of the house in the form of tons of not-usable boxes and some stuff to drop off to a donation center, it will finally be clean again. Last but not least is the box of records that I am hoping to take, there's some real gems in there.

We've got a busy week ahead, between trying to do a few chores before I go (such as cleaning out a car), getting haircuts and clean suits and packed bags and all that other stuff while still trying to get work done this week. I'm fairly sure that I'm not going to have the best concentration this week, and I need to get a few long-term assignments moving so that they won't be late before the middle of next month.

Which puts Sunday into more contrast, as the possible calm before the storm. Playing water guns and watching the kids play was fun yet relaxing at the same time. I don't know if this kind of simple fun will be common through the next couple months, but hopefully wherever I end up will not be a major transition.

Of course, today (Monday), I have a massive headache and it feels as if my sinuses are working overtime. Again. I sincerely hope that I'm feeling okay when my interview(s) start(s) later this week.

many changes to come

Scott has had about 5 companies call him for interviews. He leaves Thursday for an interview on Friday comes home for a few hours then leaves again for one on Monday . If he gets the job he really wants it is off to Wisconsin we go. He will leave for a couple months and try to find a house or house to rent within our new budget ( will be be getting alot more then we make here) . I will stay here decide what to pack and pitch try to sell and what gets stored and what goes with him .
We are hoping to sell the house the house on the corner of my street was on the market less then a month it has been sold.
I am scared but relived to start this next chapter in my life. Nothing is keeping us here . His parents came over Saturday and his mom went in Noah's room and cleaned it and got mad at me because it was a mess. I didn't ask her here to clean it she just did. Then tells me I should be the one cleaning it daily . I don't think so my kid is almost 8 I told her I cleaned it before school got out and it was up to him to keep it clean.She said he has to much stuff I wanted to say it is your fault for Christmas and birthdays and other holidays you go overboard but I was a good girl. Everytime we go to visit she will ask me if i made an appointment to get myself fixed. I know I am not done having children yet but how to explain it to them. I know it cost money to raise them. I come from a big family my parents made it work on my dad's money the baby just graduated high school.
I am not that close to most of my family members the on I am the closest to is leaving for college.
I made a list of stuff to get repaired in the house it is a not so small list.
I will update when I know more.
Keep us in your prayers.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Quick update:

It's been summer for a couple weeks now, and a warm one it has been. Alexander is growing quickly, and he's been wanting us to help him stand as much as possible. He's not quite completely stable, but he's starting to get his balance. He's also not quite able to move around yet, but it seems that it will be happening shortly.

The older kids are doing well too. They love Rock Band when we get it out, and we've been doing it a few times lately. I played games with Noah and with Rainey over the weekend. Noah's favorite currently is "Monopoly - Diggin' Dinos", which he played at least three or four times over the weekend. One was against Daddy, and Daddy had zero luck with the dice. However, Noah was really a gracious winner to Daddy. When Daddy was running low of money, Noah would give a couple extra dollars so that Daddy could stay in the game longer. He did this more than a couple times, yet Daddy still lost in the end. If only he and his sister could play as civilly, though I think it's a matter that both of them are absolutely bent on winning.

As for Rainey, we were able to get the cribbage board back out. She's still learning the game, but she's able to make some really good plays too. I told Rainey that we would have her learn euchre at some point, and she seemed rather excited, especially when she heard that Grandma and Grandpa like to play euchre.

Nicholas is making a bit of progress with the potty training, I hope that he continues on the path.

Hopefully the summer turns a bit cooler. At least our yard is looking better thanks to the assistance that we'd been provided by Melissa's brother and friend, now we just need to do some deep cleaning inside and we'll have a sparkling house.

Stay cool!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Alexander is getting to be a big boy

he just rolled over

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Difficultys

There have been many ones which hurts so much is my dad and I got in a huge fight and I said something that no body would say to him or wouldn't dare and well I now longer exist in my family. I even said I was sorry and well I have had nothing but silence from him. I tried to talk to him at Easter he saw me and walked out of the room.
My mom is constantly making excuses for him and well I have herd enough. If he wants to treat me like this so be it. He is the one missing out in the lives of his grandchildren.
Another one is trying to mother the 4 kids. #1 is a real pistol you say something she cries or takes it the wrong way. She refuses to help out at home. thinks she can mother her brothers around to the point it ends up in a big screaming match between her and her brothers. #2 is well better behaved he listens more and helps out when not asked . # 3 is 4 and half and still refuses to use the potty to go number 2 i have tried everything I can think of. # 4 was sleeping through the night and well is up every couple hours again.
I am striving to keep my marriage together but sometimes I feel like I am the only one making an effort in it. I try so hard and I am worn out and just plain tired in trying real hard and getting no results for my efforts
So if you see me and ask how I am well I am not fine I am stressed out worn out ready to burst but holding back for the sake of my children and husband

Friday, April 2, 2010

Noah

has been a difficult little boy to manage since he was 4. I finally broke down and had him tested. My boy has ADHD and is on medication . He has been on it for a week. I have seen a big difference in his behavior . He listens better and can focus for longer than minutes. He played with his rubiks cube for over 3 hours determined to get it the way it is suppose to go . Today we took him to a grocery store no cart necessary for him he helped get the food and was putting it in the cart . before he would grab everything off the shelves play with it or he would take things and try to walk out of the store with it. I would have to pat him down.
His school work is also better writng nicer and using more than 1 color .
I am kicking myself for not getting him in sooner. But I am glad I did

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Three years of the Detroit bus system:

Melissa and I and the family moved to the Detroit area in October 2006, so that I could follow a job. About six months later, in March of 2007, I needed to drive from my workplace in Southfield to Taylor in order to attend a meeting for work. Unfortunately, I was involved in a car accident where the truck behind me rear-ended me against the truck in front of me. The bad news is that the truck behind me had a snow-plow assembly (sans snowplow) that went through our back hatch, while the truck in front of me had a ball hitch that went completely through the radiator and the condenser. So, in essence, I was in a place that I never would go except for work and was the only vehicle damaged seriously in a three-car accident.

Of course, being an older car, we didn't have full insurance on it. Also, my place of work refused to cover the complete cost of fixing the vehicle, though they did give us some money. We ended up finding a used (reconditioned) radiator and a rear hatch yanked off of a junk vehicle, and never did fix the condenser (yeah, this means no air conditioning... it's Michigan, but dang the humidity...)

So, we pieced the vehicle back together. At about this time, I figured that I'd check out the bus schedules to see if there was a different way to get to work. Amazingly enough, I found a route that passed both two blocks from my house and about eight to nine from my place of employment.

Since April of 2007, I've been riding the bus on almost a daily basis to work. Letting Melissa keep the car has allowed her to get the kids to school, and has absolutely extended the life of our vehicle too. I can count with one hand the number of times I've driven to work in the past six months. I've attended Tigers and Wings games by riding the bus, and have also used the buses to hit various job interviews and even the zoo. There are certainly inconveniences... including that zoo trip... but I really cannot complain about the service when I consider the body of work.

I observed this three-year anniversary by taking two buses to get to work by 7AM this morning, then taking two more buses to get to Wayne State for my class. After my class, I took one more bus, and while it dropped me off about a mile to a mile and a half away, I walked back home during an absolutely beautiful night.

Tomorrow's schedule is taking the same two buses to get to work early, then taking two Detroit buses to then pick up the Port Huron bus, to go to my parents' house for Easter weekend. I will be covering about eighty miles for free due to my Detroit bus pass + $0.75 for a Port Huron bus fare. Granted, it'll take me three hours, but I won't have to get stressed out over all that Friday traffic either... my laptop and a good DVD + Rifftrax is waiting for me. :)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Baptism

Lorraine was baptized March 14 2010. Such a special day for her. I gave a talk and sang a song for her. Her piano teacher also gave a talk. I am so proud of my little girl in taking this step in her life

Friday, March 12, 2010

Lego Rock Band!

Today, we finally got our PS3. And a copy of Lego Rock Band to play. I am definitely a fan of the Rock Band genre, and thankfully our PS2 equipment is compatible with the PS3. Noah and Nicholas were both excited about seeing it too, and we had a blast playing it and seeing all the neat and funny things that the designers put into the game. The music is darned good too, and since Lego Rock Band was aimed towards families, the music is all very family-friendly to boot. Overall, a terrific game that we can't wait to play again!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Six weeks later:

It's been a while since anyone's posted here, and I wanted to put something up to tell everyone that we're still around. We were able to make a couple of large replacements recently, a mattress and b0x springs which had been dead for a couple years now and a range that was malfunctioning. The children have been outside now that the weather is getting nicer, and back to riding bikes. Noah's goal for this year is to get enough practice in to ride his bike without training wheels.

Nicholas has discovered the new daredevil inside himself lately. He's been jumping off of anything that he can possibly climb on top of, including furniture, (bunk bed) ladders, new mattresses, etc. He accidentally did a belly-flop into the floor a couple days ago when the couch was pulled away from the wall to clean underneath; thankfully, he didn't land on anything that could hurt him.

Alexander is now able to sleep through most of the evening. Melissa is able to sleep until about 3 to 4 AM in the morning, and the baby has been going to bed around 8 to 9 PM, which is a pretty solid stretch of sleeping. Of course, this may change once he begins teething.

Melissa has been able to get out of the house a bit more. She was at lunch and at the movies on the weekend. Dad and the kids were at home, both outside and inside.

As far as I go, I'm still trying to make it until the end of the semester at Wayne State. The latest class has been difficult at best. Thankfully, spring break is coming; I have a test the week afterward, though. Looking forward to May, and the end of the semester and beginning of (hopefully) some nice weather. Happy late winter!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

review of January

it was a busy month. The days leading up to the 18th we busy cleaning and getting ready for baby.
Had him the 18th came home the 20th . Had a party for Noah the 23 who turned 7. Time sure does fly . it seems like yesterday they were handing me Noah. He has alot of problems right now that we are trying to work through . He also has a lot of love to offer . he is always smiling .
I would be lost with out him

Saturday, January 30, 2010

my world is slowly crashing around me

last night or should I say at 2this morning as I was trying to calm a real fussy baby I realized this. I am having a hard time adjusting to this new world I have a family of 6. Everyone wants my attention and I am spreading myself thin . My daughter is nothing but attitude when I ask her for help she is like why can't you do it I didn't make the mess. My 1st son I s to active for his own good and doesn't like to listen he finds himself in the corner daily and hates it but hasn't figured out how to stay out of the corner. My second son is in his terrible twos and he is 4 he still won't fully potty train i am hating it. I even went out and bought him his favorite toy put it on the bathroom shelf where he can see it as an incentive to earn it by pooping in the potty not his pants.
Alexander is not doing good at sleeping at night he wants to be awake at night . I try waking him up during the day but he wants to sleep.
My husband I don't know what is going on with him. He has been real distant since Before I had him. I got to bed myself he is to busy for me. he rather talk to his online friends or play his games. what about me. I am stuck inside all day with 4 kids and really no outlet. I am stressed out and tired.
I didn't know mother hood and being a wife were going to be like this. or at least my family.

Monday, January 25, 2010

1 week old already

My little boy is a week old already time sure does fly. We are slowly adjusting to the new addition in our family. The other 3 want to hold him all the time and be around his bed when he is sleeping. I want more than 5 hours a sleep a night . Daddy has been a great help he has 2 weeks off to help me out. which has been great. I was able to catch up on sleep and clean . Something I haven't done much off. I finally get to go back to my old routine.
I even look like I didn't have a baby . I am back to my non maternity clothes.
ALEXANDER IS A KEEPER.

Friday, January 15, 2010

3 MORE DAYS

until my labor day. It will be here fast. I hope and pray everything will go all right. I am starting to get scared. I was induced with Rainey and that almost led to an emergency c section. I am being induced because I have had real labor contractions that don't do anything . I am still stuck at 3 and the doctor was feeling them and monitoring them and well I am one who dosen't go into full labor I stop at 3. with Noicholas I was stuck at 6 for almost 6 hours I kept telling my old dr break the water it won't by itself. Finally he listened . He cam an hour and half after that hopefully with the pitocen and breaking water I will have him by ealy afternoon. so far he might be my smallest. Ultrasound put him just at 7 lbs 12 oz at 37 and half weeks. I had my other 3 by then and they were 7 14 7 15 and 8 9
please keep me in your thoughts and prayers I really need them

Monday, January 11, 2010

1 more week

That is right since I am not progressing but contracting my Ob decided to induce me Next MONDAY
So If I don't have him by Sunday night I go in Monday at 10 am to get things started . I am hoping if I need to be induced it won't be like my last 2 times it happened. The labor was painful and slow. And I couldn't get any meds until I made it to 5 hopefully the meds work this time. I really don't want meds but I have to I have severe panic attacks and asthma attacks during labor.
So in 7 days Alexander will be here

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Almost Done

Soon He will be here it can be any day now. Everything is ready to go. all the furniture for him is put together. Dresser set up. All that is missing is him. I am to the point walking is almost impossible. But soon he will be in my arms ready to met me and the family. My daughter is so sad it is another brother she wishes she had a sister, Sometimes I wish that also for her so she can have a playmate. but she likes playing with Nicholas last night she read him a couple bed time stories she helps in alot of ways.

In the next 17 days yes 17 days will will meet this miracle that had taken over my body since May
but a miracle that was created out of love