I am a cancer survivor
I have 1 eternal companion
1 daughter
3 sons.
my fair share of challenges
I am human

Sunday, September 21, 2008

DIsappointments in life

we all have them but it feels like mine are happening every day . Some of you know Scott and I have been trying for the last year to have another one but it is not happening. Maybe it is a good thing due to finances or the way certain family members would react . this one family member once told us one is to many. this member also said not using birth control is like playing russian roulette with your life .
My mom and dad especially my dad knows my family is not complete yet and i know that .

another disappointment lately is scott and his job. he is unhappy in it so he is not happy at home . he comes home plays computer until 1 or 2 in the morning gets up at 6 to get ready for work and leaves at 630 to catch the bus comes home at 630 pm . This is causing stress in our marriage . I used to be so happy to be with him but i think after the 2 year when he got laid off he got into this depression he can't get out of and it is tearing us apart he promises he will stop this computer habit but it keeps going on
I am hoping he gets this job with homeland security he got a notice in the mail to stay fit until they call him to do training since he passes the written part of the test the physical part the drug part the background part all he needs to do is pass a video part.
if he enters the training he will be gone for 4 months . he is worried about leaving me behind but he dosen't have to be i have friends who will take care of me .

Like hilary i needed to vent but i wanted people to know what is going on with me to see if they can help me deal with these negative feelings i am having


Michelle said...

(((Hugs))) Melissa! Dealing with infertility (and yes that's what you are dealing with at this point since you've been trying for over a year) is very stressful and never fun, believe me I would know. It can be very difficult on a marriage, but you have to remember who you are as a couple and make that priority #1. I'm sure secondary infertility is even more frustrating than primary infertility because you have already had 3 babies and now you are left wondering why it worked before but isn't working now. As hard as it is to hear (I always hated hearing it), you have to know that Heavenly Father has a plan for you. If you and Scott feel there is another spirit waiting to join your family then that little spirit is being prepared for you and it just isn't time for him or her to come to Earth yet. But know that that baby is being prepared for your family and when the time is right somehow or another they will be in your family.

And good luck for the hopeful new job. We will keep you in our prayers!

Chel said...

Sometimes it helps just to let the feelings out...I hope you are doing ok. My advice (for whatever it's worth) is to separate the things you can control with the things you can't...other people's expectations, infertility, and yes, even at times husbands ;) Take all the stress from what you can't control and channel it into something that can help build you up instead of make you feel drained (like sitting down to the piano whenever you feel overwhelmed and practice your way sane--since you have such a great new talent!) At the end of the day, you need to be able to keep yourself well so you can make improvements to the things you can control.
Good luck!

melissa said...

thanks ladies for the advice i will take it to heart