Not the best

at blogging. I used to be. I have hit a major funk in my life. I don't know whether I am coming or going.

 I am getting used to being here in Buffalo grove IL . I am slowly  getting to know people. The kids have a few friends. They live  2 doors down or a couple streets away and can walk over.

  I am getting used to driving and figuring out where every thing is.

12 years later

may 19 2001

That day forever changed my life. It was a sunny day outside.  72 degrees .
I married my best friend. We have had our share of joys and sadness or sickness and health . Share of moves. A lot of  Heartache. But I wouldn't change my decision to be with him for all eternity.

Buffalo Grove

We made it March 2 . After all the hoops we had to jump through to get here. It was hard leaving behind Oshkosh Wisconsin. I left behind a lot of good friends and a good ward.  The house is more then what I expected. I have a small cooking space compared to my huge gourmet kitchen where everything had a place. I have very limited cupboard and  drawer space. But i can fit my table in there. The bedrooms are smaller than we were used to. I miss my huge walk in closets . But I am still able to fit 3 boys in 1 room. Minus a dresser that had to be put in the basement by the laundry room. I do have 2 full size bathrooms. I have a Huge fenced I back yard for the kids to play in . I can see them from my window. We can walk to school. Right across the street and field is Walmart and Sams club Mc Donald  then across the street from that is Target staples Fannie Mae chocolates.  If our vehicle breaks down we can bike or walk to where we need to go.  Oshkosh It took awhile just to get to the store , bank church. Here I can walk to church if I  leave early enough . there is even a park around the corner.


   I am so glad I put my trust in the Lord  to make this journey. His hands were and are still guiding us I can feel his help every step of the way.  It will take me awhile to get used to the new Ward. There is 3 meetings in the building so I don't know who belongs to what ward yet. I will get there.

 I am glad we decided to take this step. I am not so stressed out on how am I  going to make rent and  pay bills .

I really want to plant roots here I am a weak tree and when I am up rooted I die a little each time .

new adventure

On  FEB 14  Scott got a job , We are moving to Illinois . Buffalo grove area. we will be leaving Wisconsin  march 2nd . Kids are scared and mad. i am sad that I have to leave friends behind but it will be a new adventure for us

  Sadly our stay in Wisconsin is coming to an end. Scott was fired on November30 2012. We don't know where we are going but wherever we go will be a big adventure.

  I have made many good friends here. They are coming over this week to help me clean the house top to bottom.

my kids are growing up so much Lorraine is almost 11 Noah 10  Nicholas just turned 7 and our baby Alex will soon be 3 no longer a baby .

RAMDOM

this summer was full of fun spent a week with my mom and sister they cam to visit me. spent the day in chicago with them before they took the trian home.

SPENT A FULL WEEK IN THE U.P. OF MICHIGAN. I DROVE OVER THE MACKINAW BRIDGE
SPENT A DAY ON THE ISLAND A FUN FILLED WEEK WITH THE INLAWS

NOW AS SUMMER CLOSE SCHOOL IS BACK IN SESSION ON THE 4TH
RAINEY NOW HAS BRACES SHE LOOKS SO CUTE IN THEM

Introducing the new me

i have lost 40 lbs it was hard work but it was worth it. I also got a new hair do
I love the new me

To much to take in

My baby days are over that is right. I am now fixed so i can't have anymore. It was a real hard decision . I really wanted 1 more but my health problems out weighed my decision . I am being watched for ovarian cancer I have chronic depression S. A. D. and I can't get off my meds. . They can cause birth defects. So we decided that my health is far to important than to risk it.

In other news the meds are working I am focusing on getting better I have lost 30lbs growing out my hair taking better care of my self . Reading my scriptures trying to keep the house cleaner and I have energy like never before.
Nicholas turned 6 Alexander just turned 2 next week Noah will be 9 and Lorraine will be 10 . time is sure going fast.

I have made a new friend she lives in Cyprus. She is an amazing lady with a lot of strength .

update

We are still doing well. Kids are doing well is school . Noah has more good days than bad days. he is in therapy. Lorraine is doing real well she is upset she is the 2nd smartest kid in the 4th grade. She is active on the safety patrol and various clubs at school. She had a solo in the church primary program and just did a solo at the school Christmas pageant. She has amazing talent in the arts.
Nicholas is growing up so much . he is loving kindergarten .
Alex well he is almost 2 and a handful.he is talking in sentences and mimicking what we say. he loves to be read to and when music is on he loves to dance to it.
we added a new member to our family last weekend. her name is Hazel nut. She is our beloved Guinea pig. . We adopted her from the local pet store. she is a joy to have and the kids love taking care of her. Alex calls her his kitty .
As for me I have had a few health issues . but i am getting treated for them.

rest of summer

daddy do they have to come home

kids first day of school



I had emergency surgery that was not fun . I had my appendix removed and a big golf ball size cyst drained on my ovary. tha twas not fun. Healing time was awful . I had to stay upstairs in my room had to have help to and from the bathroom , showers i had to sit on a chair and have someone else wash me. Hardest part was I couldn't hold my little Alex. He is to young to understand why. I had ladies from church bring food clean house watch me and the kids. At my 2 week follow up I healed nicely but my cysts are forming again and well i have to talk to the Dr to get my ovaries removed. I am only 31 but i don't want to jeopardize my health at this rate they can go cancerous anytime and I don't want a repeat of that.

School is in Session Nicholas loves kindergarten . Rainey is loving 4th grade . Noah is suspended for bringing a knife to school. he thought it would be fun to shows his friends. But other than that it is quite during the day .

long crazy summer

2 kids were in summer school until the 21st of July. Noah to get his reading and math up. Lorraine because she wanted to learn French. . Then we went camping in the U.P. of Michigan . It is beautiful country up there. I live only2 and half hours from the Michigan border. you cross a bridge over the river and half way across it says welcome to Michigan. Scott and I took a river boat cruise of the Pictured Rocks along the Lake Superior shore line. the rocks are the results of the ice age melting and the constant waves hitting them. you can see pirate ships and Indian heads and various other things. Noah was also baptized on the 10 of July . It was a long awaited event. His Birthday is in January . few days after his birthday he injured his foot then was on crutches until the middle of March. I got pregnant morning sickness 24/7 . then we lost the baby in May. So after a short grieving period we decided he was ready to do this and he was he was so excited. now we are back waiting for school to start September 1

11 long years but i made it this far

11 years it has been since i stared at deaths door. I was diagnosed with cancer . It was along road to recovery both Emotionally and physically. I still have my days when I think about it . There still are outward signs I had it. I am so glad I survived this . I was given a wonderful husband who has been by my side for 14 years married 10 of them. wonderful children and many good friends along the way . I don't think i could of made it this far without all the love and support I have gotten.

Serenity jamison

I totally lost you today may 25 . I chose to name you Serenity because despite losing you 6 months before we were to met you I feel calm and at peace with this. I new something was wrong in the beginning someone was telling me. It hurt at first and will for awhile but it is to happen to some of us. this will only make me stronger and appreciate what i have more each day . I don't have you and never will but i have 4 other healthy children who need me. and a husband who loves me very much.
So goodbye sweet angel of ours.

goodbye sweet angel

today we found out we lost our baby.

A fun time with Grandparents

my in laws came to Wisconsin to spend Easter with the kids. They came on Thursday and went with me to get them from school talk about suprised. Then on friday we went to the local train museum it was fun then went to dinner with them. Saturday we went bowling I let Alex help me he got a spare. then took it easy rest of the day. Went to the park with the kids. Sunday was Easter . Alex found an egg throw it on the floor . Found his basket and tore it apart. . Then we had a nice dinner went swimming at the hotel water was cold. then came the hard part the goodbyes. it is so hard to see them go because we don't see each other like we did when we lived in Michigan. We will see them again in July for a week of camping.

My Family will be growing again

that is right i saw two pink lines staring at me and that could only mean 1 thing I am pregnant . we are guessing around Mid December . We are real happy about it. My daughter is real happy she hopes it is a girl so do I. Nicholas wants another Brother Noah is Un decided at this time Alex doesn't really know what is going on.

adventure of Noah

This is what happens when you get a
toothpick stuck in your foot and it gets infected. he is doing better stitches will be removed tomorrow after 8 weeks on crutches he can't wait to be able to walk normally.

my kids

lorraine

Noah
Nicholas
Alexander

so much has happened.

In January my Alex turned 1 he is growing up so much he is talking in short sentences always has a smile on his face and loves to make us laugh.
Noah turned 8 and tore ligaments in his ankle.
February Lorraine turned 9 and Scott got another year older.
Noah's foot wasn't healing so we went and saw a foot Dr. They did an MRI and well not good news. He needed a surgery to remove the foreign object that was stuck in between the ankle and joint. So we had to drive 2 hours to the Children's hospital. The Dr said it looks septic and the only person who could intervene quickly was at the Children's hospital. So off we went. had surgery the next morning at 7.30 am. They removed a toothpick that was causing an infection. So 2 day stay in the hospital because of the infection they home . He has a nice looking scar and we are framing the tooth pick.
Nicholas was registered for Kindergarten and is growing up so much.
As for me I am adjusting to Wisconsin . I have made many new friends but still miss the old. I belong to choir , a stamping club and a running club. I am getting back in shape. I also am looking at going back to school . We will see I have other plans until August and if that plan falls through off to college i go .
I am also focusing on me the next few months doing things that make me happy. I have to put me first for a while. I am so used to putting my kids and husbands needs before mine i have fallen into a sad funk. I need to get out of.

A hard decison but it was worth it

since March I have been getting emails from my mom that have been not so nice all about how much I hurt my dad with something I said to him. I thought things were going fine when my dad started talking to me again and hugged me good bye well the drama started up again I guess in October I posted something on face book and he commented and I deleted it. He got mad about that. I told him he didn't have permission to be leaving comments on my page and that what he said was private and next time to email it to me. Well he didn't like that one bit. So he had my mom email me some things saying he was doing this out of love. So I emailed her back big mistake my dad was reading her emails . I asked her if he really loved me why was I treated the way I was as a child . Here is an example. I tried out for the School play I got a part in the choir I was excited and told my dad and he said why did you even bother you can't sing they can't pay anybody enough to teach you and you are to fat and ugly to be on stage. . This was a constant with him So I asked my mom why when I was growing up did he call me fat ugly and stupid all the time. why did she always pay attention to my sister all the time. I asked her questions I couldn't ask a few years ago they had to come out. Well the emails got nastier and hurtful they were all bout how much I hurt my dad . I was told I couldn't call or visit .
that was fine with me
Well my little brother posted something on his face book page and I took great offense to it and well my dad didn't like what I put so he basically called me stupid right on face book so i deleated my post that got him madder so I said something I have never said to him before that set him aback I said @##% U to him. SO then he set my other brother to gang up on me by now I am being accused of tearing the family apart . So I sent something to my brother I tell him the truth he can't take it because his head has been told so many lies. My dad then posted something to me that I took great offense to when I posted I am a cancer survivor and that has made me a strong person and I will no longer let life get me down . He came back all up set and started belittling me again I told him I am done I am sick of his games that it is ok for him to be mean to others and accuse them of falsehoods and demand apologizes but I am not allowed to speak the truth and stand up for what I believe in I am sick of being attacked and him using other family members face book pages ` to hide behind that is low so I told my family good bye. I got sick of every email Melissa you are tearing the family apart you are hurting your dad more than you will ever know or when will you grow up and get out of your fantasy world. Scott even spent 2 hours composing an email to my mom going line by line answering every question she asked you can tell she didn't bother to read it because 3 days later she sent another one saying she refused to talk to me and asked Scott the same questions she asked me
you may say I am being mean and I should forgive them but I have told them I needed space and every day I keep getting emails and they kept on getting nastier and nastier . I keep replying the situation in my mind and keep trying to do thing differently but in the end it all turns out the same, In order for me to move on and protect me I had to say good bye. I will forgive them in my own time they may never forgive me. That is their choice. My kids my never know their grandparents but my kids always refereed to them as they ones they didn't like they never really visited and when we went over to see them they were to busy to see us.